The Finish Line

I have three class days left at UC. That's right, only THREE! Time flies. I've been so blessed to grow in this extraordinary environment at UC and with the people around me.

The next month will be full of transitions: Finishing my 4-yr Registrar Office job, ending my internship with Alumni, finishing classes and taking my last finals, and ya know, GRADUATING. Thank the Lord I'm not moving out of the Vatican until next September, don't know if I could handle that.

I said in my last post that words of affirmation are a big love language of mine. I've realized that statement is true in times of uncertainty when I need clarification from someone else. Otherwise, physical touch/proximity and quality time are both a big deal. In stressful times lately, having someone there to watch a movie with me or hang out has brought me so much peace and indicates that I am significant. Thank you for your love, you all provide an immense feeling of stability.

I have learned that I must trust Christ to be my sole provider and to refrain from being caught up in everything that I could attempt on my own. God has provided me with clarity and strength in my decisions. He has followed through and will continue in this time of transition, with relationships, income opportunities, and with sustenance.

Unda Pressure

I'll start by saying that Life Is Good. I know this and believe it even though things aren't always easy.

A lot of me feeling pressured is my own doing, but it's who I am. I'm pressured at work to not mess up and make a great impression. I'm pressured with living up to my mentor-like status with my brilliant small group girls on Tuesdays. I'm pressured with thinking about the dating scene and where I fit into that, how I should conduct myself and read people properly.

I feel obligated to everything and always think I have to prove myself or I'll be considered a failure. I'm thankful for the friends and family around me who are constantly reminding me that I'm doing a great job. If you didn't know, words of affirmation is my primary love language so anything that I hear keeps me going. I definitely don't do anything for the sake of praise or appreciation, but I honestly push myself for approval. I have a service mentality which connects me with God's purposes but also drives me away when I get overwhelmed.

The message that God is already pleased with me is astounding and I pray I can retain that as I move forward into a brutal, demanding, beautiful world.

Passion for New Opportunities

God has presented people to the forefront of my life who have shown me what it means to have passion, leading me to find out what my passions are. Growing up helps us find conviction in things, through experiences and learning things that just make sense. My friends in student groups, my roommates, and my professors have demonstrated their driving forces and I've witnessed how they and the people around them experience the fruits of that.

As graduation approaches pretty rapidly, I'm torn between having security with a job and being content if I don't have that right away. I'm proud of who I have become over the past few years and feel like I have a ton to offer and am qualified for a lot. But I have to accept the reality that even though I see that and the people around me do, companies and businesses might not right away.

Contentment and humility are great struggles for me right now. In the midst of loving people, contributing and participating in my social arenas, and thinking about my future, I'm struggling to maintain a balanced and humble perspective.

However, while I struggle I am learning what makes me tick. Loving and helping people reaches me in ways that nothing else does. EdgeCorps (Navs staff) is one of my many possible paths, but even if I do get a full-time job I want to make people an important part of my life. I thrive off of the presence of others. Where I work needs to feed that or I won't find fulfillment or contentment with my work.

Looking Forward

Being back home in the states has been a wonderful experience. My reverse culture shock wasn't as much bad as good, helping me realize how much I take for granted living in the United States. Several people have asked me if I would ever live in Europe and I'm not sure I would. Traveling and staying for more than a few days is great for me because I love being settled. While Spain felt very natural for me (meaning I never felt like a tourist there), I still feel more at home and settled in the states. Not just because people I know and love are around, but it really is the land of opportunity. It's different, because obviously Europe provides plenty of extraordinary adventures. But in the US, I truly feel equipped and acknowledged enough to follow my dreams and achieve whatever I want in life. It's obviously not in a tangible way for me like it is for so many people who move here, but I can see how blessed I am to have the freedoms and future that I do.

I miss speaking Spanish on a regular basis and I've tried to keep up my listening practice by watching BBC Mundo shorts and following them on Twitter. Emily McF, who I mentor, wants to keep going with Spanish and eventually study abroad, so we'll have parts of our meetings in Spanish to practice together. I've never felt called to missions, but now that I've seen and learned about other cultures more, I want to be a part of them in more of a service-oriented manner. After I graduate, I'll definitely start looking into maybe doing a short-term thing somewhere.

The friends that I have in Cincinnati are so wonderful. I've loved jumping back in, getting huge hugs from people the first time they saw me again, who had genuine excitement while asking about my trip and experiences. I'm blessed to have roommates who have all traveled abroad (yeah, all 5 of them!) and know the kinds of questions to ask and the types of feelings I had then and now.

My sister asked me if I hate Americans now in the sense of living elsewhere, but I really just dislike ignorant Americans. It's sometimes heartbreaking to see people so tunnel-visioned in their own world that they aren't a part of other cultures or types of people. Traveling abroad isn't necessary to have an interest or even and idea of what's going on in the world. There are so many people on this planet. I've gained so much more perspective and I hope that it manifests in a greater and more apparent sense of humility.

I have a ton of opportunities in the next few months as I prepare to graduate and search for a job. I'm more excited and content than nervous and anxious. I know I will be taken care of. We have an awesome God.

Never Forgotten

My last informative post!

Tuesday 7/27:

To finish this day, we went out to dinner at Casa Mingo with a bunch of people. Great atmosphere, bread, ham, pollo asado. Afterward, Ita and Amanda accompanied me to get gelato in Sol. Best decision ever. I got frambuesa (strawberry) and chocolate on a cone. We walked up to the Royal Palace and hung out in front of that. It was a beautiful night, it looked extraordinary lit up. At that point, I knew I wouldn't go out in Spain anymore at night so I soaked it in.

Wednesday 7/28:

I had my religious persecution presentation today in Jorge's class. It went pretty well, Kristin said it was clear. Jorge gave us a nice sendoff with it being the last day of classes, gave us his email address if we ever wanted to say hi! Charo's class went over of course. I went shopping in the afternoon for the rest of my souvenirs and gifts for people. Got a ham bocadillo from Museo de Jamon for 1 euro for lunch. Never could get sick of those. I got a jersey for myself. It's size 14 kids and I got some shorts and socks with it! I spent the evening cleaning, eating, packing, studying.

Thursday 7/29:

Got up extra early with Katie to finish preparing for our exams that day. Hung out in the cafeteria with everyone for a bit, had some pan con tomate for breakfast. Jorge's exam was solid, more confident than the midterm. There were grammar sections, completing sentences, fill in blanks. I got a 92% on my project and a 93% on my essay about the novel we read, so I probably pulled a B in the class. My conversation exam went a lot better than my midterm as well, I felt more relaxed with the more general questions. I ran back to my apartment to check out and get my deposit back from Gabriela. Everything was in good shape!

Vanessa, Kendra, Katie, Kyle, Alex and I went to Rodilla (fast food sandwich place) for lunch, then shopping in Sol. It was cool to spend my last few hours with the apartment clan. I said bye to Katie with the assurance that I'd come visit her in Chicago. The boys were great when I left with the great departing words from Alex of "Ill never see or talk to you again." :-P

I cried on the way to the airport in the metro during my last moments in Spain. Hard to believe it was over.

Friday 7/30:

I met up with Rob in Stuttgart at the airport and we made our way to the hostel. It was a struggle to find it, carrying everything uphill. We eventually found the place tucked away behind some trees over a hillside so it was difficult to see. There weren't towels so I used a t-shirt to dry off my face.

We got up for breakfast and had musli, a oat/granola type of cereal with some bread and jam, plus some awesome hazelnut chocolate, fruit, and sparkling water. We caught our train to Munich which was about 2.5 hours. We dozed during the trip. We found our hostel there really easily since it was close to the train station. We couldn't check in until 3 pm so we left our bags in the luggage room and walked around by the fountain, main strip of shops, and church. Got a 1/2 kilo of cherries from one of the many fruit stands set up and sat by a fountain near the church. Had a bratwurst on bread with sweet mustard. Best brat I've ever had. We rested for awhile after checking in, showered, then met up with Dave and Ryan for dinner. I got a 0.5 L of Weiss bier (best I've ever had) with veal meatballs over potato salad. We made our way to an outdoor garden and had a 1L Radler (half bier, half lemonade) then headed to Hofbrauhaus (the original!) and had a 1L Russen (sprite with Weiss beer) that tasted more like bubble gum. We got some pretzels at Hofbrau which were amazing.

Saturday 7/31:

We slept late to recover from the lack of sleep and the drinks from the day before. We went and bought souvenirs and shopped more, got a sandwich. We had some strawberries from a stand before Rob went lederhosen shopping and found a great deal where he got the pants, shirt, scarf, and shoes! We grabbed some sandwiches and Chai tea in the train station. Later that night we headed to Olympia Park where they had carnival games and rides, food, and stores/markets. We got some chocolate covered fruit and found a nice tea and candy shop.

Sunday 8/1:

We got up early to get to the castles! It took a 2 hour train ride and a short bus ride up the hill to get to the castles. We had tours set up beforehand (good call Rob) so we walked right up. We grabbed some lunch between castle tours. I had meatloaf and potatoes while Rob had paprika chicken. The tours were relatively quick but extremely informative. We climbed a massive hill up to the second castle, it was ridiculous. We jumped into a German tour for the second one since we were running late, but they found us the English tour. There were beautiful gifts made of ivory, great views overlooking the valley and mountains. Got ice cream before leaving, hung out at the train station for an hour with some Haribo gummy bears since we missed the previous train by a few minutes. On the train, a tour group was there with a guide who was telling stories about the kings who lived in the castles. Very cool perspectives. We grabbed some dinner at the train station before heading back to Karlsruhe, salami sandwich and a pretzel with butter. We got to Rob's apartment late Sunday night.

Monday 8/2:

Slept in and had eggs and toast for breakfast. Rob's apartment was nice, 2 other roommates with their own rooms. Kitchen, full bathroom. We walked around Karlsruhe, saw the castle, went in their mall, found a cheap France hat, got an apple struessel (so good), stopped by a veggie market and got stuff for dinner. We went to their zoo for a little while, bigger than Rob thought it would be. Stopped by the grocery store and headed home to start cooking chili! We talked to Rob's roommate Andreas for awhile. He called birth control the "anti-baby pill" which apparently most people do over there. Rob super-packed my suitcase with all of my new souvenirs and clothes to make my backpack lighter.

-In Karlsruhe, they have several forms of public transportation with the above-ground trains and buses, as well as a metro that's under construction. They have the long-distance trains as well, very easy to get around without a car.

-Their sandwiches are always different and have tons of ingredients. Always a surprise when biting into one.

-For university students, they have time over the summer to prepare on their own full-time for a set of exams in the fall. Rob's roommate committed to studying 8 hours a day.

-Struessel is more pastry-like while Streudel is more like apple pie

-German culture is very clean and pleasant. They have a proud sense of history while being confident about moving forward.

-Their food was excellent and their beer was unlike anything I have had in the states

-In Europe in general, it's typical to turn the water off during your shower to save some

-Bathrooms are called Water Closets

-Didn't really have iced tea in Europe, just canned

-People in Europe don't usually drink anything while they eat. Andreas said it's bad to drink while eating because it weakens the digestive acids in your stomach

Tuesday 8/3:

Got up early to catch a train from Karlsruhe to the airport in Frankfurt, about an hour away. I made it through security after the people checking my carry-on luggage by hand after going through the machines. I had some Doppelkek cookies with me and the lady asked me if they were for her. My flight was 9 hours from Frankfurt to Detroit and I needed to stay awake as much as possible to adjust to the time difference. So I watched 3 movies: Valentine's Day, Alice in Wonderland, and Death at a Funeral. All great in different ways, did the job of keeping me awake. My flight out of Detroit was a little late but I made it back to Cincinnati close to on-time. Mom and Kirstie greeted me with big hugs and we found an O'Charley's so I could have some chicken tenders and rolls! Great way to come back to the US.

As I adjust to reverse culture shock, I'll probably write things on here about my progress. Europe was beautiful, I can definitely consider living there at some point in my life. I definitely want to see more of Spain, and Europe in general. I've posted some pictures on Facebook to start! I'll stick a few in here along with my commentary.

It feels good to be home, but I'll never forget Spain.

Soaking It All In

First off, I'm finally feeling better! I started sleeping out on the couch and I have felt better since, so my theory may be correct. I don't want to test it in my last few days. Yay!

To continue last Thursday's entry 7/22, I met up with Kristin at the Prado and made it through one of the two main floors in 2 hours. It was mostly Renaissance era paintings, so I saw a few famous ones that were nice surprises. Saw some Bosch, Van der Weyden, Goya. Afterward, I met up with people for our Spanish friend Pablo's send-off at a restaurant called Jardin de Secretos. I had a couscous dish that had some interesting spices. We went out for beers and tapas afterward, I had my first cerveza con limon which was tasty.


Cool sidestory that happened earlier this week: For class, we had to interview Spaniards about the Spanish Civil War. I talked to a guy in the cafeteria at school. He explained how the country was filled with persecution and hunger. He admired his father through everything. People would be taken from their homes and murdered/shot because of the hostility between sides. He got choked up a few times during our conversation and said he could talk about it all so much more. A few days later, I saw him again and he approached me with a gift wrapped in Christmas paper. It is a novel written by his brother I believe. He asked if I could understand it and I said it'd be great practice! It seems to be a mystery/thriller. Very cool connection.


Friday 7/23:

I gave a presentation in my conversation class about the film "Jamon, Jamon" which went a lot better than my first one. I had some more Kristin time and we met up at a Starbucks (got some American feeling in there) and had a date.

We went to an Egyptian temple that is 2200 years old. There was flooding going on the in region of Egypt and they shipped pieces of the temple to other countries. It was very small, but well conserved with engravings.

Saturday 7/24:

Our night bus for Barcelona left at 1:00am on Saturday morning! Alex, Kyle, Brad (Alex's buddy) and guy from Brad's program went on the trip. I was not only the oldest, but the only girl which naturally made me feel like a mom. I definitely took care of them but they were sweet! The busride was 8 hours so we arrived around 9:00am in Barcelona. Kyle was my seat buddy, I slept a little, but not too much. It was good to have some alone time and chill with my Ipod. We found the hostel after navigating their metro system. We stayed at Nest Hostels-Yellow which was nice: ac, gameroom, kitchen, lounge, terrace, showers, towels, sheets. A guy named Reese was in the room with us, sweet guy who was traveling around Europe. Two gals Shana and Stacey from Brad's program tagged along and managed to get a room in the hostel. We were able to leave our luggage in a storage room since we couldn't check in.

We went by their futbol stadium, found Sagrada Familia which was a really unique church that was unfortunately under construction. Interesting sculptures and forms on the outside of it. We had a strange place for lunch that did the job but wasn't too great. We climbed a ridiculous hill to make it up to Park Guell, but were rewarded with amazing views of the city. We found the famous terrace. So beautiful. There were tons of sculptures and their famous mosaic moderist art with the seats and the buildings everywhere. I managed to get the famous picture in front of the seats.

We made our way back to the hostel for check-in and headed to the beach! The water was very blue, clean sand, sailboats. There were rocks out in the water that we swam to, sharp edges that busted open Alex's foot. The boys brought me a beer (open liquor/drinking laws everywhere) which was nice. There were a lot of topless women at the beach even though it wasn't the official topless beach. Spain approaches that a lot differently. It was more normal than I thought since I really didn't know anyone who was doing it. One of those things that'd be strange with a group of friends. We only stayed for a few hours on Saturday, made our way back to the hostel and showered. We found a cheap, but nice little Mexican restaurant around the corner from the hostel. We got some stuff at the store for calimochos before going out since we didn't want to spend too much on drinks. There weren't too many bars where we were looking around Las Ramblas, but we eventually found a nice place where we got free shots with mojitos. Kyle may or may not have taken one of the shotglasses. I got a brownie to finish off the night as well. We made it back to the hostel around 4:30am all pretty tired, but satisfied with the end of our night.

Sunday 7/25:

I made sure that the boys were up on time to get ready and check out by noon. There wasn't free breakfast like we thought, but I had gotten some granola bars the night before to tide us over. There was a fruit and bread store open, where I got some awesome nectarines, a baguette, and some small chocolate pastries. We headed back to the beach and got a good spot. Went swimming a little but mostly just relaxed and soaked in my version of heaven. The guys brought me some lunch after they got Alex's foot cleaned up again. I ended up getting a good sunburn, but it was worth it. Haven't really gotten a lot of sun in the last two years! Brad and his crew left around 3:00pm to catch their train but my boys and I didn't have to leave until midnight.

We headed back to the hostel and showered, got our stuff and checked out Casa Mila, a famous curved building near las Ramblas. We had a good dinner of paella and pizza before heading to the bus station early. The buses were confusing and parking in the wrong places, but we managed to find it. It was more uncomfortable than the first bus, so I really didn't sleep at all.

Monday 7/26:

Our bus returned around 7:30am so Alex and I made our way to the university. Oh yeah. I was alright on energy levels until halfway through my first class, but my biggest pain was the sunburn on my legs. My conversation teacher called in sick so I didn't have my second class! So the two days where I stayed up all night I didn't have full/normal class day. I slept from 1pm-7pm to catch up from 2 nightbuses in one weekend. Brad, Alex, Kyle, and Maria (Kyle's Spanish friend who is adorable and wonderful) came over and made tortilla espanola, salad, and pasta. We watched silly youtube videos and talked about the differences in Spanish culture with Maria. She said that their first priority with life here is to be happy and content, to take things as they come. They don't really make to-do lists here and do things based on priority/urgency. I hope I can take some of that mentality back home and not be so hung up on being busy and unavailable because of a tight schedule.

I'll write about today next time since I'm going out later for a dinner with people since we only have a few days left!

Me Siento Bendecida

I've been able to take a step back over the last few days to have some "alone" time, not necessarily being by myself because that rarely happens here, but even some time not doing homework or running around the city with the apartment clan (I may propose to think of an official name for us. I'm sure we can come up with something, we're pretty hysterical). Along with that, it's an incredible thing that I didn't know these people 3 weeks ago. I feel like they have been a part of my life for years. Living with someone and having a good connection with them from the start has significant results. When you have people in your life every single day for at least 6 hours going to school, making meals, riding the metro, quoting South Park, watching Spanish movies, and of course talking in Spanish slang or in a Borat accent, you realize how great people can be. When living in a different country, everything is new at some point and you need people around you who can say "tranquilo" or help you laugh off your potentially embarrassing situations. You need people to make sure you don't take life too seriously. I can definitely say I have that here.

Sunday 7/18:

Alex and I were victorious and didn't sleep through our alarms and went to something called Rastro, a market on Sunday mornings off of the La Latina metro stop. Vendors line the streets with booths, selling everything you can imagine: clothes, jewelry, scarves, books, placemats, antiques, etc. And all of it is really inexpensive! So I got most of my souvenirs knocked out. I got a dress for myself (only 4 euros!) as well as a scarf to add to my collection of foreign country scarves that I have at home from friends and roommates. We walked into a restaurant to get some water and the countertop was covered in giant bowls of all kinds of olives. I ran into a guy there whho I met during my layover in Atlanta. His group was going to study in Segovia for the month (where I went on Saturday) and I randomly ran into him in Madrid. So crazy. He told us some great stuff about Barcelona, which sold me into going with the boys this weekend! So at first when I didn't think I would make it over there, I decided to miss one of the field trips to go. I've heard it's beautiful and one of the great things to see in Spain. You'll hear about that early next week! Later on during the day I worked on a short dialogue project with a gal from class, then got Kebabs from down the street for dinner with Katie and Alex.

Monday 7/19:

Normal class day. I worked on another little project after class, then went to the Reina Sofia museum off of the Atocha metro stop (where my hotel was during the first few days). The museum has a lot of surrealist and cubist work from Dali, Picasso, and Marco. The time period of the Spanish Civil War was great, with works of Picasso mostly but other artists demonstrating how dark the world was.

After some smaller studies of Picasso and some prints of propoganda during that time, you turn the corner and find Guernica (above) by Picasso in a room by itself, covering a wall. You can take photos from a certain distance, but I chose to simply walk into the room and stand there for about 5-10 minutes looking at it. As you can tell, there is a lot going on. I can now believe that it's an accurate portrayal of the war's effects on the people after learning more about it. Absolutely incredible, I've always wanted to see that one.

We booked our hostel and night bus tickets for Barcelona later on! We'll head out at 1am Friday night/Saturday morning and return Monday morning.

Tuesday 7/20:

Some other random observations of Spain:

-Traffic is more willing to yield to pedestrians in the crosswalks. There aren't as many cars here since the public transportation is great. Jorge (teacher) said that families have one car at most, if they have one. In his family, "su mujer" drives the car with their little girl and he takes the metro. The first time Katie heard him call his wife "my woman," she thought he was sexist but that's a proper term here for wife :-)

-I've been able to watch some TV, mostly when I'm eating lunch after school. I usually have on the news. I don't miss American news at all! They're informative here with stuff going on all around Spain and the world. I really haven't seen any entertainment news and if so, it has been on page 8 of the paper or in a small scrolling tagline at the bottom of the screen.

-People don't really exercise or run in public here. There are tons of infomercials for exercise equipment so maybe they do it in their houses?

-"Abejas Asesinas" was on TV the other day. Killer Bees.

-"Ruleta de la Fortuna" is more fun here than in the states...Wheel of Fortune! The audience gets more into it, singing songs when they spin the wheel, do the wave between each solved puzzle. It's good vocab and spelling practice for us.

-Reading articles and straightforward things has become easier. I read a headline on the TV yesterday and had to do a double take because I thought it was in English!

Tuesday we had our midterm. I wasn't there mentally for awhile since my nose and throat freaked out again the night before, but it was a fair test. I ended up not doing as well as I would have liked which is frustrating, but I'll have opportunities with a project and the final to make up points. After our exam, Jorge gave us the pronunciation lecture, talking about certain letters and situations in Spanish. At one point, he switched from explaining (in Spanish) how English has different sounds for their vowels, then proceeding to say "water" in a very American accent and then in a very British accent. Hilarious.

I managed to get a pill from the pharmacy for decongestion, painkiller, cold symptom relief. I was proud of myself for being able to communicate everything in Spanish and to ask questions. I'm pretty much tired of being sick, but I've still managed to have a good time. I think it's God's way of telling me that life must and can go on even when you're sick. In reality, besides sleeping less, I've only missed out on drinking more which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It would be nice to just have a glass of wine or a mojito, but I've still managed to have plenty of fun! Since we all had our test on Tuesday, pretty much everyone in USAC went out together. We all started out at good ol' Tigre, then split up into smaller groups hitting up different places.

Wednesday 7/21:

Normal day of class. Took a nap and worked on homework all evening. We're reading a novel for class called El Cartero de Neruda that is historical fiction around Pablo Neruda and the election of Allende in Chile. I don't know about 6 words on each page, so I take the time to look them up so I can read it more effectively. Made myself some dinner using a baguette and ham, salami, and chorizo.

I'm heading to the Prado here soon but I'll write about that after I go at some point. It's hard to believe that I'll be leaving Spain in a week to head to Germany and that I'll be home in about 2 weeks!

Hasta luego,

Bri-como el queso ;-)

Halfway Done

It's hard to believe that I've already been here for over 2 weeks! However, it's starting to slow down now that I've realized that. I had a good week that was more normal than not! Some differences here compared to the US that I have noticed:

-Portion sizes at restaurants are reasonable enough that no one ever takes boxes home. It'd probably be strange to ask since I've never seen it.
-Ice is rare in drinks
-Spongebob Squarepants=Bob Esponja Pantalones
-It takes 5 escalators to get from the Metro train up to the street level at my apartment's stop
-There are never paper towels in the bathrooms, only air dryers
-There are not clothes dryers in many places, everyone hangs their clothes out of the window

Tuesday (7/13) was pretty normal, went to class and did homework. Fun Fact: Tuesday the 13th is Spain's unlucky day, just like Friday the 13th is unlucky in the US. Made some dinner with groceries. Wednesday (7/14) was good. I had my conversation class midterm today which was really nervewrecking, I'm really intimidated by the teacher of that class. It was an interview where she asked me to describe or explain things that we have discussed in class.

We went to Palacio Real de Madrid that had stuff from Carlos III and Felipe II. We toured the palace rooms that were all ornate with different colors and decor styles: blue dining room, Oriental Smoking Room, wood room, porcelin room, etc. The gardens were sculpted all around the palace. A few rooms had pieces of silverware and crystal that was used back then. There was an armory display that held the armor and weapons of Carlos and Felipe. They had stuff for the horses and small armor for kids so they could practice and take pride in their abilities to walk in such heavy pieces. Kristin has been here since session one and we both love art and history, so we took more time looking around than the other people in the group. We definitely enjoyed ourselves and soaked it all in. There was a giant courtyard in the middle of the palace that had gold lamps and a cathedral is next door, we'll visit there another day.

Later that night, Alex, Vanessa, and some of Alex's friends in another program met up in Sol for cheap tapas and beer. 1 euro for beers and little sandwiches, great deal!

Thursday 7/15 was a normal class day. I gave a presentation in my conversation class about Pamplona which was also nervewrecking. That night I went to an apartment of some girls from session one and went out with all of them. It was good to talk with some of the people who I have only seen in class! We went to a nice club called Pacha and I ended up not sleeping. Good night though, no regrets with staying out!

Friday 7/16 Made it to class to find that we had Movie Day in my 2hr grammar class. I could not have loved my professor more at that moment. We watched a musical/comedy called "The Other Side of the Bed." Needless to say, I slept all afternoon. We went out and got some Sushi with a group, then came back and watched "Jamon Jamon," a strange Spanish film that was Penelope Cruz's start as an actress. The tagline: A film where women eat men and men eat ham.

Today 7/17: We had our field trip to Segovia. This morning we woke up to find that we had no water, so I couldn't take a shower, brush my teeth, or wash my face. So I ended up taking my bathroom stuff to school where we would meet the bus by 8:50am, only to find that the university buildings didn't open until 9:00am. So I bought a bottle of water from the busdriver and washed my face right outside the bus and dried off with a t-shirt I brought. It could have been worse, at least it wasn't a school day.

The bus ride was about an hour and a half. There was a lot of history with the city and the castle that we visited. I got tons of pictures! You've probably seen shorter beds from older sites. The people in the Renaissance were superstitious and believed that if they were to sleep completely laying down, they would be too similar to the dead and were afraid that they wouldn't wake up in the morning if they did so. Therefore, they would sleep almost sitting with a bunch of pillows to avoid being completely flat, so the beds didn't need to be very long. We went up the tower to the very top of the castle, 152 steps in a narrow spiral stone staircase.

After the castle, we walked around their Plaza Mayor and looked in the shops, went down the streets. I got a pastry since I didn't eat breakfast in the madness of the lack of water fiasco. We ate at a nice restaurant where we had roast suckling pig (part of Segovia's culture) and trout. The pig comes out flat on a big serving dish with the head still intact. The waiter had one of our people go up and repeat a saying after him. She then cut and pounded the pig with the edge of the plate, then finished by dropping the plate on the floor. It was really tasty. Dessert was Torta de Poche, a great cake/custard dessert. We were definitely in a food coma. I got tons of pictures of the food there too! We finished the trip by visiting their famous Roman aqueduct. We visited the memorial part of it where it is the tallest. She told us a great story about a Virgin Mary statue in the middle of it. Very cool culture.

The streets and images in Segovia were more of the type of thing I expected to find in Spain. Madrid is more of a big city, so it was good to see a smaller province with old buildings that were different, more charming and simple. Cobblestone streets, orange stones and brick.

We're taking it easy this evening after being out all day in the sun. We have another Spanish movie to watch, hopefully we have more success with it! Hasta luego!

La Mejor Fin De Semana

I know it's been a week but things were a whirlwind right after they started settling down! We just had a crazy weekend here of bulls and campeones (champions)! In case you are wondering, when I get home, I'll post pictures so you can see what I was talking about! I don't have a way to do so here.

Wednesday 7/7:

Normal day with class and an extra-long siesta, which cut into our abilities to be productive before heading out for the Germany vs. Spain futbol game that evening. We found a bar a metro station over with some other USAC people. It turned out to be pretty nice despite the shady appearance with neon lights on the outside. We had nice seats so I was able to actually watch the game instead of going off reactions of the crowd. Talked to some locals while getting my drink, which was funny. People are a lot more friendly than I thought. I've learned that in general, people here want to practice their english as much as we want to practice Spanish, so a lot of patience is involved both ways. Unfortunately I started feeling sick on Wednesday, so I stuck to just one mojito. They played great defense, could be better with shooting. It was great to witness another Spain victory, but this time sending them to the final game! The city was going crazy yet again. People running in the streets, horns heard for miles, flags, songs.

We headed to another bar down the street that had some tapas and drinks. We got free bufandas (scarves) from the bartender that have faces of the soccer players on it. Kyle got an amazing chocolate pastry that was only 1 euro, so naturally he got another one and we all shared.

Thursday 7/8:

Rob arrived in Madrid in the afternoon so I hopped on the metro soon after class to pick him up. It was great to see him again in 3D rather than on a Skype call! His flight was delayed almost an hour so I got some homework done as I waited. We came back and chilled out for a bit, then went out to Tigre with the apartment buddies so he could get some tapas and hang out. I wasn't feeling to well, so I scheduled an appt for the doctor for Friday morning.

Friday 7/9:

I found the doctor alright in the morning. It looked like an apartment building with a doorbell that let me in to the waiting room. The doctor didn't speak as well of english as everyone claimed, but we communicated well. It felt like I had a sinus infection, but it turned out I just had a cold type thing that Susan (USAC) had, which was worse because I would just have to ride it out. He gave me some antihistamines for my throat, but I didn't really feel better until today.

We made our train for Pamplona (just barely) out of the Atocha Renfe station. It was a 3hr train ride, which was cool because I got to see some of the countryside on the way. A lot of flat, brown land but also some mountains in the distance. My favorites were the fields of sunflowers. We sat across from a dad and daughter who was finishing grad school. He had stacks of information on Running of the Bulls, maps of the course and a schedule of festivities.

We arrived in Pamplona in the evening where the weather was a lot cooler (thank God). We didn't have a good map, so we had some trouble deciding how to get to where we needed to go. We eventually got on the right bus and with some help from a friend in Madrid through texting, found the succession of streets that led to our hostel, which ended up being a little isolated in a strange location. It was nice though, had a bar-restaurant on the bottom floor. Double bed, bathroom, AC, TV, good water, near a little town called Burlada that had stores and restaurants. We went out and got stuff for breakfast and snacking during the day, got our white shirts and pants and our red scarves and belts, picked up some pizza from PizzaMovil on the way back (made things easy, got a good deal) and relaxed to prepare for an early morning with the bulls.

Saturday 7/10:

For a little historical context and backgroud: The Running of the Bulls takes place for a week in July every year as a part of the Festival of Saint Fermin (Festival de San Fermin), which commemorates the son of the first Christian Roman general. Fermin was martyred for professing his faith. There are a lot of theories for the white clothes and red scarf and belt, but the main one I have heard is that the white is for the purity and faith of fermin, while the red relates to the bulls and butchering. The bull run is called "El Encierro" which means "the enclosed." There are 6 bulls and 6 steers that are released, the tame steers used to contain the young bulls because if a bull is left alone, they are more dangerous. They usually run the half mile course in a few minutes, starting right at 8am every morning of the festival. They finish in the Plaza del Toros, the stadium where the bullfighting happens later in the evening. The photo above is the site of their opening and closing ceremony.

We woke up around 5:45am to catch a bus at 6:30am to the city. Busrides here are usually 1,20 euros so it's pretty cheap. After getting into our white and red getup and Rob in his running shoes, we had some baguette, bananas, and granola bars for breakfast. We made our way along the course among the hoards of people. The streets were slick from water and all types of alcohol. People were climbing on statues, signs, and walls while others were passed out in the grass as a result of the previous night. There were barracades along the course that are taken down soon after the running to open up during the day's festivities. Rob snuck into the course through a barracade after we set up a meeting spot. I began my search for a good spot to watch, eventually finding a place to stand on a metal railing. I found a side street next to a sweet family with a girl from Spain who was probably in her early teens. It was her first time there too! A little before 8, her mom helped us up onto the railing. 2 shots fired out at 8:00am on the dot, releasing the bulls! I could see the runners on the street below, but was at too steep of an angle to see the bulls go by. It was so fast anyway, said to be at about 15 mph. Rob made it out alive, has a scratch from when he was pushed into the barracade by people yelling "Corre! Corre!" He came extremely close to the bulls, enough to see that there are covers on the tips of the horns, lessening the possibility of true goring. He started near the start of the course and ran all the way into the stadium where much to everyone's surprise, they shut the gates and release the bulls back into the crowd of runners. When he found me at our meeting spot, the first thing he said was "Sorry, I was trapped in a coloseum with a bunch of angry bulls!"

After sleeping most of the day and Rob waking up to find his entire body sore from recovering after the adrenaline rush, we went back into the city to enjoy the festivities. The bullfight was really expensive, so we opted out of that. We walked the course of the bull run, stopped in some souvenir shops, got some sandwiches and churros con chocolate. We stumbled upon the beginning of the course when they were putting the steers back, so I was able to see some bulls in real life! I didn't need to run, I was satisfied with seeing them about 50 feet away. We saw the fireworks show, found the cafe that Hemingway was in as he fell in love with Spain (shoutout to Kgirl!) and headed back to the hotel around 2am.

Sunday 7/11:

Since I wasn't feeling to well by Sunday, we decided to not see the running again on Sunday morning and gave ourselves plenty of time to make it back to the train station. We got back to Madrid around 3pm, had our siesta then headed out to the madness for the game with Alex and Kyle (apartment buddies) since the girls were still on their way back from a weekend trip to Bilboa (Basque country, I was sad to miss that). Grabbed some food, headed down to the metro station. We got to the top of the stairs and there were people EVERYWHERE an hour and a half before the game even started. We were watching near the Bank. They had a few big screens set up in the streets to show the game at the stadium and here.

We managed to find a spot on the street, where we were sprayed down by hoses every 10 minutes for the 30-45mins before the game started. I was drenched, but at least I wasn't hot. It was exhausting, but well worth the standing for 3 hours. After the goal, it was chaos and partying until the next morning when things had to be functional again. Songs, flags, jumping, drink stands on the sides of the street, fireworks being set off uncomfortably close, people dancing on trucks, climbing on trees, running in the streets, cars with flags honking horns, "Yo Soy Espanol" "Campeones, Ole!" In the excitement, I felt pretty terrible so we made our way back to the apartment. It was great watching the footage of the celebrations in Sol, Banco de Espana, and all over the country.

Don't know if you heard about this, but there is an octopus that predicted the outcomes of the games. It started out predicting games for Germany, but they did it for the final few games of the tournament. They drop 2 identical jars with food into the tank, each having a flag of the opponents. The octopus (pulpo) chooses a jar and that one is predicted to win the game. It had a 99.9% rate of accuracy, predicting Spain to win the World Cup as well. So everyone had stuffed animal octopus or even real ones. Pretty crazy.

Monday 7/12:

Slept in since I still felt terrible. Ran some errands with Rob, got him a Spain flag to add to his collection and found a nice restaurant for some authentic Spanish food. I took him to the airport in the evening, he enjoyed his time here! There was a parade for the soccer team that some USAC people went to, but I was worn down and needed to catch up on homework since I missed class Friday and Monday because of being sick/doctor appt. Now back to the routine!

Hope you enjoyed my adventure, things will 'normalize' again :-) Hasta luego!

El Inicio de mi Aventura

Don't worry, I won't write my blogs in Spanish. The first thing I'll say about my journey to Spain is that it's not as difficult as I thought it would be on all levels. Going to Paris really helped, but even traveling by myself has led to more confidence rather than meltdowns. I understand Spanish better than I thought, in writing and during conversations with the locals and my teachers. Overall, everything seems natural, from the atmosphere of the streets to the perfect fit with my roommate.

I'm sitting here in my apartment with the aroma of Tortilla Espanola (fried potatoes and eggs) made by Kyle, one of the boys who lives downstairs. Some of our first adventures with cooking Spanish food! To begin my adventure:

I started out in a hotel for the orientation, meeting the 6 other new USAC students who would be taking classes at the Universidad Rey Juan Carlos during July. A group had already been here for June and we would meet them through our roommates. I took a shuttle from the airport, first waiting in the wrong place for it which gave me an opportunity to talk to a man and a woman who were calling for my shuttle. We talked in English and Spanish about how it's my first time traveling alone. The guy assured me to not be too nervous and to not cry, which I haven't done yet! The shuttle was a 3-row van and it dashed through traffic like it was a smart car. Their traffic is crazy, so many close calls. I'm surprised there aren't more wrecks.

Our USAC staff are great. Gabriela is a beautiful native of Madrid with a great spirit and sense of excitement who arranges our housing. Susan is my roommate's idol, a great lady from Boston who has lived here for 7 years and is now a citizen of Spain. She handles health and safety issues. Alvarro is from San Sebastian and handles our academics. They did our orientation on Friday 7/2 and we had appointments with Alvarro to determine classes. Since I was the only one to sign up for Advanced Spanish I, I had the choice to do poetry or Advanced Spanish II, which would be with people above my level. I went with the Advanced II and love it. I'm also taking Advanced Conversation where we simply discuss topics each day. Our first day of classes was yesterday and I wasn't too nervous. I understand everything that they say, even though one of them speaks really quickly. The Madrid accent and choice of words hasn't been too problematic, it's pretty straightforward.

I moved into my apartment on Friday afternoon after orientation. Alex lives downstairs with Kyle. Alex is in session II, Kyle was in session I but is now teaching privately and living here still. Alex and I are both new, so we were shown to the building together by 2 Madrid girls, Maria and Deborah. They were about our age, they showed us the bank and close grocery stores. I understood most of what Maria said in Spanish, but was exhausted after a whole day of orientation and then 2 hours of conversation in Spanish. It's a good size. 2 bedrooms, bathroom with a standing shower, kitchen with the works, living area, washer for clothes. The kitchen uses natural gas so we have to turn the switch to light the stove by hand. No air conditioning even though it's hot, but keeping the windows open creates a nice breeze most of the time. It's hot here, but less humid so the shade is reasonable. A lot of the west coast people from the states are suffering, but we're all adjusting.

Katie, my incredible roommate, came back from holiday in between sessions on Saturday night. We are the same person. She is from Chicago and goes to Loyola. Her life has been changed by being here, she wants to move back and study anything to figure out how to be Susan essentially. We have laughed a ton, with each new thing revealed being the same since we understand each other so well.

The layout of the day here is very different, but I'm starting to like it. Class 9am-12:15pm (they use military time so that's an adjustment), Lunch 3pm-5pm, Siesta (official naptime/rest of the country where some family-owned shops close down for a few hours) happens anywhere from 4pm-8pm, Dinner 10pm-12am. People don't usually go out until midnight. Since the metro closes at 1:30am and opens again at 6am, most people stay out until then on weekends. The first Friday night, I'll admit that I got home at 5am, so it's possible to just wait for the metro. Otherwise, they have a nightbus route that runs during that time so you can get around the city at any hour, hence the name "The City that Never Sleeps."

For people who don't like ham very much, you won't like much of their food. There are other choices, but pretty much every meal entree includes pork of some kind. One of the popular restuarants is Museo de Jamon which has a meat shop but also meal options where you can get sandwiches, coffee, etc. I have confirmed that Wool Growers, the Basque restaurant in Bakersfield, is truly authentic because a steak that I had over the weekend had the same feel and taste as the ox tail they serve, including the same kind of fries. The food is hit or miss, but overall it's been great, tapas have been an adventure themselves. In the apartment, we've had the opportunity to shop for basics like cereal, but also mix in things where we can experiment like Kyle is right now. Last night, us girls made some octopus (not as successful), some Patatas Gravas, y some tapas that consisted of pears and brie cheese. We've had some tinto veranos (red wine and fresca) and calimochos (red wine and coca-cola). As mentioned before, Kyle is making food for us now while we have the futbol game on. Some calimochos are on the horizon.

Speaking of futbol, I have identified the moment when I fell in love with Spain. Last Saturday, I went with a few of the new USAC people to the futbol stadium where they had big screens set up to show the game vs. Paraguay. Thousands of people were starting to flood in a few hours before. They had 5 songs that everyone knew the words to, red and yellow everywhere, eruptions of sound everytime the ball got close to the net and fireworks and music for the goals (one taken back, so sad). The sense of unity and love for their country was inspiring and outrageous, with people standing in the streets and running around setting of firecrackers and singing "Yo soy Espanol."

To finish this post up, I'll update every few days. I'll be heading to Pamplona for the Running of the Bulls (commenced today) on Friday afternoon. I'll start to include more details now that you have the groundwork. FYI, we're 6 hours ahead of Ohio. I'm usually online around 8 in the evenings and then later on around 11pm-2am if you ever want to chat on google or Skype!

Hasta Luego! Con mucho amor,

Bri

Hope

I've talked about the first two concepts in the title of my blog. I've come to a point where I'm clinging to the last one.

I'm finding myself in awe, even while I'm suffering and persevering. Even while my character is being developed. Hope arises out of believing that there has to be more to life than pain and hard lessons. To hope for the ability to learn from our mistakes and not be crushed by them. To hope for redemption and transformation through our times of death.

I know that ultimately, wherever my life takes me that I am loved and cared for. I have potential to be developed and to learn about thing bigger than myself. My Dad sees my life in the next year as a win-win situation. Even though I'm scared that my investments may fade away or that something new may be brought to the forefront, I have hope that I will be refined and find peace in wherever I end up.

Everything

by Lifehouse

You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose, you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything

Mental Overload

This quarter has taught me so much so far regarding academics, how to handle my future, adjusting to a long-distance relationship, and loving people.

God has granted clarity through my classes this quarter. HR is a frontrunner in a grad school program to pursue after I graduate from UC in December. I've always lived for making people comfortable and with a job like this I could do it in a professional way. My Organizational Diversity professor has been so helpful in making these issues in the workplace pertinent in my own life in addition to providing information about the real world and how to approach researching schools. It doesn't seem like I have ever learned and retained so much from classes before. I can recognize structural aspects about organizations, personal tendencies, and organizational reactions to issues. It's a fulfilling sensation.

Going along with researching grad schools, my future in general is a big question mark that is slowly getting smaller in size. However, as things are being clarified like my career, more questions stem from it. The point in our relationship has come to make decisions about moving forward because my grad school research will be extremely different if I'm only considering myself. Hopefully we can talk soon, considering I've been helping in the decision about which base he will start on after he graduates next Spring...

While I'm still at UC finishing everything out, entering the "imparting wisdom" stage of my time in organizations, I continually learn how to effectively love people and meet their needs so that they can make it through the day and succeed in their future endeavors. This is so important. Making people feel appreciated, loved, and informed helps to ensure the future of organizations and of the people who are so valuable in every context of their lives.

God never ceases to amaze me. I'm learning so much and I'm scared of so much. But I know that I'll never be alone and I never have to do anything on my own.

Trust

While sharing thoughts through Facebook, Twitter, and blogging is an interesting experience that leaves room for a lot of knowledge and fun, I have to remember that I am being followed and watched by a lot of people. It seems like no one else can see it sometimes.

I have problems when people take things the wrong way, read too far into things, and assume the worst in me. This happened twice today with people who are close to me. One felt excluded from a statement I made about other people who were emphasized for a particular reason. The other one held onto selected things I was saying as though they are everything going on in my life.

How do you handle having the worst assumed in you and also, keeping yourself from assuming the worst in others?

Trust.

Red is Out

For those of you who attend Crossroads or are going through the Free* series with a church, I am a Red person.

For those of you who are not: A stronghold in my life is anger and bitterness. I always thought of it as rejection issues or abandonment since past men in my life have left me on a whim or went away at crucial or difficult times. Instead of wallowing, I have harvested a mindset of bitterness and a feeling of being wronged, leading to being unable to forgive easily or at all. This mostly manifests in not being able to forgive myself for some mistakes I've made, but I've noticed I approach unpleasant situations with anger and frustration rather than patience and compassion.

With that, I'm sorry if I've ever been impatient with you when it seemed to be unneccessary. I realize that many of my behaviors have been uncalled for and should have been more carefully considered, more gentle, more compassionate.

Noticing that I immediately react in frustration rather than understanding, my plan of action is to be slow to anger and abounding in love. Now that I can identify the source of my stronghold, I'll be better in controlling it and eventually getting rid of it. This will take so much dependence on God, something that I'm really excited about.

I have a feeling that this will lead to a transformation in the way I handle myself and in the way I view myself. I will come to a more full understanding of what grace is, which will then allow me to offer grace more abundantly. Then someday, I can forgive myself and those around me, even the people who have hurt me the most.

I'm ready to be free.

The Resilient Life

I checked out an update on my recovering paralyzed friend's CaringBridge page and his family has been reading The Resilient Life by Gordan MacDonald. People who are truly resilient to what life throws at them find success and push through challenges by possessing 5 characteristics:

1. They are committed to finishing strong
2. They run inspired by the big picture view of life
3. They run free of the weight of the past
4. They run confidently, trained to go the distance
5. They run in the company of a happy few

My friend's parents posed the question:

Do you face your life challenges with a sense of anger, disdain, and resentment at the world?

Or do you look straight ahead, decide not to deviate from your game plan and look at this as a challenge to shape the rest of your life?

Forgive Yourself

"Be not the slave of your own past-plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Decompressing

People can't read your mind. I've expected people to do this so many times, mostly in relationships and a lot with my current relationship.

It's not fair to assume that they know exactly how to comfort you or what exactly you need them to do. It's okay to ask for the kind of support you want/need because if the person cares about you, they'll listen and offer that to you.

I catch myself doing this when I have a crazy day and I would hope that he would love on me and comfort me, give me a hug or rub my shoulders. But instead of holding something against him that he didn't even know I wanted, I can simply ask for a hug, a shoulder rubbed, a few minutes to hear me out.

He helped me understand that I decompress from things by relying on him and whoever is around while he decompresses alone, then talks about it later. I externalize while he internalizes. I like being alone and handling stress internally a lot of the time, but more and more I see that having support and knowing that people love me for who I am when I'm burdened really means a lot.

New Day

We all have the moments when we realize it's time to grow up and be independent. For me, it's happened by force in the past. Lately, I've had the luxury of easing into it. I'm at the point where I'm ready to jump into feeling more confident and getting used to taking risks.

I've been trying to figure out my priorities and that in itself has made me feel like a big girl, with such projects as:

-internship searching for next year

-study abroad application for Spain this summer

-finishing up RallyCats obligations

-taking on a mentorship role in my small group

-to be a follower of Jesus

-leading an organization that is honoring a Major General who graduated from UC

-preparing myself for time apart from a boyfriend who will be in Germany for 6 months

The challenging things in my life aren't hard for their own sake. They're hard because they make me think about the world in a radical way.

A current struggle: I'm doing my best to find humility and offer thanks for everything I have. I came across a quote, "Learn to treat everything as if it were irreplaceable." I take things for granted a lot. My slap in the face: hearing about my paralyzed friend taking brilliant strides everyday. Why does it take a huge loss to make us understand what we truly have?

With all that, my new day is here. I hold myself accountable to move forward more than I move backward. I learn so much everyday and I need to take it to heart instead of take it for granted.

Adventure

This weekend we had our annual winter Navs retreat. We talk about the Navs calling and pair up with a spiritual buddy for the weekend who is usually in your small group of a different graduating class. We share our testimony with our buddy, have time for discussion of Bible passages, and time for prayer.

We had a special session that taught us about listening to God, mostly for the sake of others as to do intercessory prayer. During a time of meditation, you ask a question like, "God, how do you see this person?" or "What do you want this person to know?" It was remarkable to see how people would receive messages from God in the form of images, scenes, sounds, words, or a voice. Some people didn't hear anything at times, which is okay. The exercises were a way to show us the power of the Holy Spirit Jesus gives his disciples in Acts 1:8.

The best decision that I made this quarter was jumping back into a small group. Fall quarter was overwhelming and taking Tuesday nights off for sanity purposes and RallyCats stuff was something that I wanted. Even though I have meetings every evening of the week again, the spiritual benefits of surrounding myself with loving, beautiful, brilliant, and hysterical girls for a few hours has meant so much. It has made me see how much they have to teach me and how much I have to offer as a result of my spiritual growth and personal maturity. I see how my sense of purpose and overall attitude towards life has improved. For a take on the opposite, 1 Corinthians 15:33 talks about the influence of a negative atmosphere, as does Proverbs 13:20. I've gotten a glimpse of my value and worth in so many ways by being around these girls. They have a special place in my heart, especially after this weekend.

For the last 4 years, Key Laborers has been an opportunity for me to re-establish a purpose for my life. The outlook of Navs is one that fits with my personality and capabilities. I relate with the ideas about spiritual generations, mentoring, being an insider and an along-sider, and living among the lost. Whenever life is hard or seems pointless, I come back to these ideas and understand how big of an adventure my life is.

Who said the Christian life has to be boring and all about rules? What could be more exciting than taking part in a journey led by the Lord of the universe?

Not Even Close

I've realized I may come off as thinking that I know how everything works and that I don't struggle with things. Truth: I'm not even close to that. I've chosen to use this blog as a way to outline the ideas that I find inspiring and concepts that have taken me years to grasp. I'm trying to focus on the positives and how I can move forward in life instead of making excuses for myself or being a pessimist. So, I hope you find some ideas on here inspiring as well and know that they've been given to me out of the grace of God.

To be honest and vulnerable, I've struggled with my priorities lately. There are so many things that I have loved doing at school, but now there are new opportunities appearing on the horizon. I'm having a hard time with an honest evaluation of what I want to include in my time here, because I'm finding that formerly important things are now being put on the backburner. Only having 2 full quarters left of school, I want to spend my time on things that are worth it. And unfortunately, some things in my life are not anymore.

Contentment

Having discontent in any part of your life can be a good or bad thing. Good: It can be the driving force of change, leading you to finding who you want to be. Bad: It can drive you into the ground spiritually and emotionally.

Having been at both ends of the spectrum, I understand how not loving yourself, lacking humility, and not giving thanks for life is detrimental to others, yourself, and your relationship with God. Letting things go allows contentment to step in, when control is lost and acceptance takes its place.

Disappointment

A few things were hard about this weekend. First off, it seemed as if some hard core things happened to people around me: death of a pet, breakup, Grandma in the hospital. I can't understand the loss of a pet because I've never really experienced that not having a personal pet. It's hard for me when the breakup is hours from me and I can't be there to comfort her. No one can get underneath a guy's thought process or reasons for backing out, but I can recognize that some guys have the ability to love and follow through with their intentions and others don't. There is disappointment there, that someone can say and do so many wonderful things, but is unable to consider the other person while sorting through a rough time.

My personal disappointment this weekend comes from some friends. I'm not upset and won't hold a grudge, but having people over this weekend could have looked a lot differently. It's one thing to hang out and have drinks, maybe getting a little drunk over the course of the night. But to show up already in that state, forcing the sober people to then watch over you or to leave early is a bummer. It wasn't just a random party. It was a birthday party, meant for showing the host that you like being their friend and want to say hey. The party wasn't about me hearing how much people love me, but it also shouldn't have been like any other parties that go on every weekend.

I was hoping it'd be a nice break for people to refrain from that. I thought it'd be nice to take it easy and those people who did seemed to have a better time. Hanging out at my house isn't tailored for crazy parties, it's a perfect atmosphere for relaxing and relating with people. It's like that even when it's just my roommates. Not even for hanging out with new people, but those people you hang out with all the time anyway. I believe you don't need to be intoxicated to have fun. I find it hard to believe that some people think that's even possible at this point. I'm not trying to judge here because I received apologies, but the general idea of good clean fun seems to be unattainable sometimes in this world.

A True Example

I visited my friend who is in a center after a severe car accident. He is paralyzed from the neck down, although he did move his shoulders! He is on a ventilator to train him to breathe on his own, but he is communicating by mouthing words and can talk when not on the ventilator. He is stuck in that bed, but has so many beautiful things covering the walls, mostly UC related. He cannot go somewhere to see his friends, but people are there every single day talking with him and watching UC basketball on TV. The basketball team visited him, he has signed stuff everywhere, and there are inspirational messages surrounding him on t-shirts, banners, and photographs, including a cardboard cut-out of him that some friends took to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl.

He is smiling, inquiring about our lives, and after I told him that everyone misses and loves him so much, he said he feels the same way for us.

Even in a situation like this, when so many things have to be frustrating, there is so much hope. He looks great, appreciates everything that he has, and hasn't once given up. Because when you're in a situation like this, you have to hold dear to what you have instead of longing for what you don't. To value simply being alive and to have the love of parents and friends is so important here, and for the rest of us. It was a sobering reminder to take nothing for granted.

A true example of Perseverance developing Character, leading to undying Hope.

Romans 3:24

Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself.

A pure gift.

He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be.

And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.

Every time I slip up and my self-criticism and low self-esteem convince me I'm worthless, I remember I am restored, loved, and justified.

transformation

3 steps to Transformation:

1. Have a vision for yourself or a dream of something better. Find your potential.

2. Have intention. Decide to do something about it.

3. Figure out the means to accomplish your goals, to attain the change you want in your life.

Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Forgiveness

Reconciliation

Discipline

Transformation