Disdain for Hype

Sometimes I wonder if people are annoyed by the event or person themselves or the hype surrounding it. The Royal Wedding, for instance, is really a monumental event. Any royal wedding is a significant occurrence, no matter the country. I personally feel like each wedding is “celebrity” news worth paying attention to rather than being fascinated by the Bachelorette wedding revelries and heartaches. The wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana is a landmark in history and I remember when she passed away. Prince William and his new bride are important symbols of their country, not just a public spectacle. This leads me to view people’s disdain for the Royal Wedding as potentially a disdain for the publicity and overexposure that we have to everything with social media outlets and the internet itself. Example: If the Beatles were around in today’s media backdrop, I wonder if a bigger population would have disdain for them simply because of the hype they generated. Or Elvis, Star Wars, Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Monroe. All great pinnacles of our culture that carry weight, but could easily annoy a large amount of people. I am by no means comparing royalty to our entertainment industry with actual status, but entertainment can be seen as our version of royalty in a lot of ways.

I would challenge you to evaluate yourselves when criticizing an event that’s being hyped. Are you boldly uninterested in the subject matter and honestly don’t see the talent or reason for the attention? Or are you annoyed and turned off by the overexposure to the subject on Facebook and Twitter?

Our Fallen Nature

Crossroads is doing a series called "The Story" which explains how God is the main character of the story of life and the world. We're learning how humankind fits into that and the implications of our condition and nature with God.

The second sermon of the series focused on The Fall. In the Singles Community group, we discussed our Adam and Eve nature as a result of the Fall and how that affects our abilities to be what God intended. The following is from the resources provided in my community group as well as my analysis.

The dynamic between men and women was completely changed with the Fall. The second half of Genesis 3:16 says, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” The word “desire” in the original language and context had a meaning related to “control” rather than a longing or submissiveness.

For women, our Eve nature results in our natural need to control things and to obsess over plans. We have a hard time accepting things that are out of our control: comparing ourselves to others, having grace to let men take the lead in our relationships, trusting God with our lives. Our struggle to be women of influence is compromised by our inability to trust in God’s best for us and to do it with a supernatural confidence and grace that can only come from God.

For men, your Adam nature is to be a passive leader. Adam did not stand up for Eve when God asked about the fruit, even though he was there when she ate it and could have changed everything. Adam could have taken a stand before God with Eve to set things right instead of just eating the fruit, saying “Eve, what are you doing? Let’s go talk to God and make sure we’re doing what he asked.” If this had happened, God would not have reacted the way he did. The Fall happened because Adam and Eve hid from God, not because they ate of the tree. Your struggle to be men of influence is compromised by a loss of conviction and assurance in what you believe as a Christ-follower, and to actively strive toward that on your own and in relationships.

A model of this is clearly portrayed in our culture in most TV shows and conversations between married and dating couples. Women are usually controlling and complain about everything to their husbands. And they always talk and complain about their husbands/boyfriends to their friends. Men are portrayed as lazy, unengaged with their children, and indifferent to the relationship. They willingly hand over control to the woman to make decisions so they can have a comfortable and selfish life in a bachelor mindset.

When we engage in relationships, there is a “weight of responsibility” regarding the view of those relationships and anything that you take on. It’s not a burden, just an understanding of that opportunity to be a part of something that’s worth pursuing. Your education, extracurricular involvement, your mentoring relationships, your friendships, and your romantic relationships imply significant responsibilities.

You have influence in everything that you do. It’s up to you whether you want to slide by and influence your surroundings by means of your Adam and Eve nature. Or you can become a man/woman of influence in Christ, drawing your confidence through him and finding supernatural results as we push each other towards Him.

Effective Accountability

I created a mini-study for our Tuesday small group leaders about how to be effective in accountability, using my notes and resources from Navs and sermons during college.

We all have the best intentions when calling out our friends because we hate to see the trajectory they're on or just don't understand where they are coming from. However, as we grow in our faith and relationships, we have the capacity to more deeply understand how to approach people without being judgmental or imposing standards. It's difficult to watch people make mistakes, but mistakes teach us who we need to be and how to move forward. We are not our mistakes.

Mindset

• Be constructive and helpful in nature
• 1 Corinthians 10:23-24-"'I have the right to do anything,' you say-but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'-but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."


• Examine yourself first
• Galatians 6:1-6- "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."


• Servant Leadership: Treat others like partners, be sensitive to what motivates others and empower all to win with the shared goals

Approach

• Assume the best and ask for clarification
• 1 Corinthians 16:14-"Do everything in love"


• Be honest, not people-pleasing
• Proverbs 28:23-"In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery" (NLT)


• Suggestion from Jesus (More related to conflict, but the idea stands consistent)
• Matthew 18:15-17-"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."


• Encouragement
• Hebrews 10:24-25-"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching."


• Iron sharpening iron
• Proverbs 27:17-"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"

The Goal

• United in mind and thought
• 1 Corinthians 1:10-"I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."

Ephesians 6:6-8

Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.

I have clearly seen how God rewards those who follow him and do their best to obey. I'm not perfect, but He lives in me and is perfect as he drives me forward. I've let go of so much because my control-freak tendencies are too much to handle with so many unknowns.

I've been astounded by God's provision. To see this and trust in His provision for every area of my life has been a prayer for the last few months. I'm surrounded by great friends, I have amazing current and future roommates, and I've been given the opportunity to work for a temp agency at Fifth Third downtown for the next 3-6 months! So sadly, my last day at Alumni will be this coming Friday and I start downtown on April 4th. I'm excited to take a step forward and to experience working in downtown Cincinnati!

Life has been solid lately. The small group that formed in my Singles Community Group at Crossroads will continue to meet, I'll keep helping with Navs freshmen girls, and I am deepening friendships with wonderful people who have been around me for years, but never really invested in. I've been reading more lately too, reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo and now The Shack. It's interesting to get spiritual perspectives on life through fiction.

Now that I've been more selective in where I invest my time, I'm learning how to be consistent in different arenas with my identity. In the first place, to not settle for my friends just like we shouldn't settle in our relationships has been key. But to also be authentic in loving those around me in the way that they need and to be constantly attentive is a challenge, but is rewarding. I've been encouraged in my confidence and I know that Christ is guiding my decisions and interactions.

As always, I'm thankful for your love.

Psalm 119:93

I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.


For a quick life update, Joelene (lady who went on leave) came back to work last Wednesday so my time at Alumni was ending. However, they are keeping me around for another few months! I'm a general assistant with my own space (I can't get used to that!) and am helping with after-hour and weekend events for more experience and some extra money. I'm incredibly thankful to the staff and to Christ, who provides for me each step of the way.

I have taken some much-needed time away from life over the last few weeks. Rather than doing anything out of obligation, I do things when I want to do them and because I want to do them.

God blessed this idea 2 weekends ago when Friday night I attended Ms. Droll's bachelorette party with the roomies and stayed the night in a cabin with 12 girls. It was a beautiful time of showing Rachael with love before her wedding in now 2 WEEKS! The Saturday after that, I had nothing planned. My day was open, but it was beautiful outside and I knew I wouldn't want to stay inside.

First thing I did on my free day: I met with my mentor and discussed the reason for why we obey God to provide answers for my time of wondering and questioning a month ago. Righteousness comes from obedience (a lofty concept, but valid goal) and we were drawn to the last statements of Ecclesiastes, where the author has evaluated life to be meaningless. After ALL evaluation, his conclusion is "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of mankind." Our ultimate duty in life is to live in God's commands and ideas for our lives. That's a tall order, and something that we really don't think about as a priority.

I've started reading through the book of Ecclesiastes to draw some perspective. While there is value in education, friendships, and working, the ultimate point of it is meaningless if not in the context of Jesus. Ecclesiastes 1:11 in the Message says "Don't count on being remembered." That's a hard hit to me as I strive to make and impact and leave a legacy in life. But my efforts, love, and service shouldn't reflect me, they should reflect my heavenly father and Lord of everything. I need to die to myself, to then reach a point where that statement from Ecclesiastes is exciting rather than disappointing.

Second thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with my mentor, my sister calls and says I should visit the Daubenmires and see the new baby! They live out in Loveland so I needed a good chunk of time for that visit, and I had it that afternoon! I drove out to Loveland in the sunshine and spent a few hours holding a baby and catching up Stu, who was in town from Alabama for the weekend. While I was there, I was invited to Mt. Adams later on in the night to hang out with them!

Third thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with the baby, Amanda texted "Church?" I decided to go that evening so then I could sleep in on Sunday. I went to church, met up with Amanda and sat with some people I hadn't talked to in awhile.

Fourth thing I did on my free day: At church, Amanda and I decided to grab dinner at Max & Erma's. We had good laughs (as always) telling each other our week update, probably being obnoxious as we snacked on appetizers and soup/salad dinner. I hadn't really talked to any of my friends in a few days because I had taken some alone time that week. I needed that time to be in community with my girlfriend :-)

Fifth thing I did on my free day: I rushed home and changed into my boots, spritzed on perfume and ran out the door for Mt. Adams. Because I have baller friends, I texted my friend Nora who works in Mt. Adams and she got us free cover! While out, there was a successful and spontaneous D-Block Dabney Freshman Year Reunion. 5 of us ended up at the same place and danced the night away. Hilarious, the simple joys.


I believe that God honors my reflection of how I'm trying to live life around Him. The discussions with people in the last few weeks about my role in friend groups and the deepening of friendships have brought clarity and a more profound understanding of who I can and should be. God's guidance for my relationships and His direction in awareness have preserved my life. I was spiraling into an existance that revolved around myself and how I thought other people should perceive me.

I spend so much time questioning and wondering about the future. What my impact will be, how I'll pay the bills, what I'm going to eat for dinner, who I can have lunch with or serve. But my free day gave me a model of the freedom that is accessible to us. To plan and be organized, but to also live waiting to see and trust in what God has for us.

Psalm 73:25

"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth."

In my questions directed at God about the reason why I pursue a life of faith in Him, he has been clear to show me that he is constant and faithful to me, which directly conflicts with everything the world has to offer. We live in a broken world. And when the people around me who are lost are assured that they have all they need without God, they might be right. However, it is possible that they get to a certain point before they realize that the things they live for are worth nothing. It breaks my heart that people settle for less that what they deserve. Because we all deserve the best and most full life possible. For me, that fulfillment comes from a life in relationship with Christ, who "graciously gives us all things."

Because I've been broken down over the last few months (mostly in the last week), I have discovered how things of this world fall short. I have discovered who my true friends are based on commitment and the ability to love me unconditionally. They aren't perfect, but they have coached me through my questions and times of uncertainty. Uncertainty with my financial future has a stronghold in my thoughts, but that leaves room for trust and hope in God providing what I need to live.

I am battling the need to impress people. This has been the subconscious driving force of my actions for a long time. My relationships, my performance at work, my involvement in student groups, my spheres of influence and friends. My desire to live according to Christ and his attitude of abounding and unconditional love for me should be the only way to define myself and my actions. And because it seems like everyone has had an opinion about my life, my actions, my faults, and my decisions recently proves that His support is the only kind fueled by pure love.

In the midst of my failures and the brokenness of my relationships, God affirmed me this weekend through conversations with friends and interactions at Key Laborers, our annual Navs retreat. My wise roommate noted that the people that I have impacted the most have come as a result of natural and comfortable interactions, not my over-the-top efforts and striving to be perfect. So, I'm taking a step back from my spheres of influence for the next few weeks to understand how to be one person and invest effectively.



My love for Switchfoot has been rekindled in the last week because most of their songs have messages with how to handle the condition of the world. Some lines that have resonated:

• Hold fast til the break of day, the shadow proves the sunshine (Psalm 46:5)
• I'm learning to breathe, learning to crawl, I'm finding that you and only you can break my fall
• It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
• Does justice never find you? Do the wicked never lose? Is there any honest song to sing besides these Blues?

I'm holding onto you. My world is wrong, My world is a lie that's come true.
And I fall in love with the ones that run me through, when all along all I need is You.
Take what is left of me, make it a melody. I can't find the words to sing, you be my remedy.

Click

True story told from a dream-like state.

4:30am Wednesday morning.

I am jolted awake from the window right next to my bed flying open, putting the latch to shame as the gusty 20 degree-winds declare battle. The same window that forces itself open during summer thunderstorms. The same window that doesn't shut no matter what I try that I once ended up busting out the glass of the window, resulting in a cardboard replacement for a month that then housed a wasp's nest.

Once I catch my breath, I turn on my bedside light and find my glasses. I'm holding the window closed as I hear the whistling wind sneaking through the spaces along the edges of the windowsill, terrified that it will blow open again. What can I do? I stand there for a moment, trying to wake up and think of a plausible solution.

Tape. Duct tape. I don't have that, but Steph does. It's 4:30am, I'm not waking her up unless I have to.

I give the window a push, praying that it will stay put while I look for tape. I find some masking tape in my desk drawer and am quick to place strips over the latch, gaps along the edge, and across the glass. I let it sit for a moment. I hear it crackle as the wind pushes against it still, threatening to take over again. I turn the latches back and forth, hoping that they click in and hold the window shut permanently. The tape peels and crackles.

I hope that my workmanship will hold up so I can get 3 more hours of sleep before waking up for work. I lay awake, trying to fall asleep. Fear washes over me every time I hear the tape start to peel away. Occasionally I reach over and give the window another push, under the impression that my effort will solidify the tape's grasp.

5 minutes pass. The overwhelming gust of cold air invades my room with fervor once again, fulfilling my worst fear. I have lost control again, even after putting forth my best effort.

I sit on my bed, trembling as I hold the window closed. I either have to wake up Steph or not sleep for the rest of the night. The wind is winning and I am helpless.

I accept my defeat and surrender the battle. I give the window one final and abrupt push.

Click.