Ephesians 6:6-8

Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.

I have clearly seen how God rewards those who follow him and do their best to obey. I'm not perfect, but He lives in me and is perfect as he drives me forward. I've let go of so much because my control-freak tendencies are too much to handle with so many unknowns.

I've been astounded by God's provision. To see this and trust in His provision for every area of my life has been a prayer for the last few months. I'm surrounded by great friends, I have amazing current and future roommates, and I've been given the opportunity to work for a temp agency at Fifth Third downtown for the next 3-6 months! So sadly, my last day at Alumni will be this coming Friday and I start downtown on April 4th. I'm excited to take a step forward and to experience working in downtown Cincinnati!

Life has been solid lately. The small group that formed in my Singles Community Group at Crossroads will continue to meet, I'll keep helping with Navs freshmen girls, and I am deepening friendships with wonderful people who have been around me for years, but never really invested in. I've been reading more lately too, reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo and now The Shack. It's interesting to get spiritual perspectives on life through fiction.

Now that I've been more selective in where I invest my time, I'm learning how to be consistent in different arenas with my identity. In the first place, to not settle for my friends just like we shouldn't settle in our relationships has been key. But to also be authentic in loving those around me in the way that they need and to be constantly attentive is a challenge, but is rewarding. I've been encouraged in my confidence and I know that Christ is guiding my decisions and interactions.

As always, I'm thankful for your love.

Psalm 119:93

I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.


For a quick life update, Joelene (lady who went on leave) came back to work last Wednesday so my time at Alumni was ending. However, they are keeping me around for another few months! I'm a general assistant with my own space (I can't get used to that!) and am helping with after-hour and weekend events for more experience and some extra money. I'm incredibly thankful to the staff and to Christ, who provides for me each step of the way.

I have taken some much-needed time away from life over the last few weeks. Rather than doing anything out of obligation, I do things when I want to do them and because I want to do them.

God blessed this idea 2 weekends ago when Friday night I attended Ms. Droll's bachelorette party with the roomies and stayed the night in a cabin with 12 girls. It was a beautiful time of showing Rachael with love before her wedding in now 2 WEEKS! The Saturday after that, I had nothing planned. My day was open, but it was beautiful outside and I knew I wouldn't want to stay inside.

First thing I did on my free day: I met with my mentor and discussed the reason for why we obey God to provide answers for my time of wondering and questioning a month ago. Righteousness comes from obedience (a lofty concept, but valid goal) and we were drawn to the last statements of Ecclesiastes, where the author has evaluated life to be meaningless. After ALL evaluation, his conclusion is "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of mankind." Our ultimate duty in life is to live in God's commands and ideas for our lives. That's a tall order, and something that we really don't think about as a priority.

I've started reading through the book of Ecclesiastes to draw some perspective. While there is value in education, friendships, and working, the ultimate point of it is meaningless if not in the context of Jesus. Ecclesiastes 1:11 in the Message says "Don't count on being remembered." That's a hard hit to me as I strive to make and impact and leave a legacy in life. But my efforts, love, and service shouldn't reflect me, they should reflect my heavenly father and Lord of everything. I need to die to myself, to then reach a point where that statement from Ecclesiastes is exciting rather than disappointing.

Second thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with my mentor, my sister calls and says I should visit the Daubenmires and see the new baby! They live out in Loveland so I needed a good chunk of time for that visit, and I had it that afternoon! I drove out to Loveland in the sunshine and spent a few hours holding a baby and catching up Stu, who was in town from Alabama for the weekend. While I was there, I was invited to Mt. Adams later on in the night to hang out with them!

Third thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with the baby, Amanda texted "Church?" I decided to go that evening so then I could sleep in on Sunday. I went to church, met up with Amanda and sat with some people I hadn't talked to in awhile.

Fourth thing I did on my free day: At church, Amanda and I decided to grab dinner at Max & Erma's. We had good laughs (as always) telling each other our week update, probably being obnoxious as we snacked on appetizers and soup/salad dinner. I hadn't really talked to any of my friends in a few days because I had taken some alone time that week. I needed that time to be in community with my girlfriend :-)

Fifth thing I did on my free day: I rushed home and changed into my boots, spritzed on perfume and ran out the door for Mt. Adams. Because I have baller friends, I texted my friend Nora who works in Mt. Adams and she got us free cover! While out, there was a successful and spontaneous D-Block Dabney Freshman Year Reunion. 5 of us ended up at the same place and danced the night away. Hilarious, the simple joys.


I believe that God honors my reflection of how I'm trying to live life around Him. The discussions with people in the last few weeks about my role in friend groups and the deepening of friendships have brought clarity and a more profound understanding of who I can and should be. God's guidance for my relationships and His direction in awareness have preserved my life. I was spiraling into an existance that revolved around myself and how I thought other people should perceive me.

I spend so much time questioning and wondering about the future. What my impact will be, how I'll pay the bills, what I'm going to eat for dinner, who I can have lunch with or serve. But my free day gave me a model of the freedom that is accessible to us. To plan and be organized, but to also live waiting to see and trust in what God has for us.

Psalm 73:25

"Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth."

In my questions directed at God about the reason why I pursue a life of faith in Him, he has been clear to show me that he is constant and faithful to me, which directly conflicts with everything the world has to offer. We live in a broken world. And when the people around me who are lost are assured that they have all they need without God, they might be right. However, it is possible that they get to a certain point before they realize that the things they live for are worth nothing. It breaks my heart that people settle for less that what they deserve. Because we all deserve the best and most full life possible. For me, that fulfillment comes from a life in relationship with Christ, who "graciously gives us all things."

Because I've been broken down over the last few months (mostly in the last week), I have discovered how things of this world fall short. I have discovered who my true friends are based on commitment and the ability to love me unconditionally. They aren't perfect, but they have coached me through my questions and times of uncertainty. Uncertainty with my financial future has a stronghold in my thoughts, but that leaves room for trust and hope in God providing what I need to live.

I am battling the need to impress people. This has been the subconscious driving force of my actions for a long time. My relationships, my performance at work, my involvement in student groups, my spheres of influence and friends. My desire to live according to Christ and his attitude of abounding and unconditional love for me should be the only way to define myself and my actions. And because it seems like everyone has had an opinion about my life, my actions, my faults, and my decisions recently proves that His support is the only kind fueled by pure love.

In the midst of my failures and the brokenness of my relationships, God affirmed me this weekend through conversations with friends and interactions at Key Laborers, our annual Navs retreat. My wise roommate noted that the people that I have impacted the most have come as a result of natural and comfortable interactions, not my over-the-top efforts and striving to be perfect. So, I'm taking a step back from my spheres of influence for the next few weeks to understand how to be one person and invest effectively.



My love for Switchfoot has been rekindled in the last week because most of their songs have messages with how to handle the condition of the world. Some lines that have resonated:

• Hold fast til the break of day, the shadow proves the sunshine (Psalm 46:5)
• I'm learning to breathe, learning to crawl, I'm finding that you and only you can break my fall
• It'll be a day like this one when the world caves in
• Does justice never find you? Do the wicked never lose? Is there any honest song to sing besides these Blues?

I'm holding onto you. My world is wrong, My world is a lie that's come true.
And I fall in love with the ones that run me through, when all along all I need is You.
Take what is left of me, make it a melody. I can't find the words to sing, you be my remedy.

Click

True story told from a dream-like state.

4:30am Wednesday morning.

I am jolted awake from the window right next to my bed flying open, putting the latch to shame as the gusty 20 degree-winds declare battle. The same window that forces itself open during summer thunderstorms. The same window that doesn't shut no matter what I try that I once ended up busting out the glass of the window, resulting in a cardboard replacement for a month that then housed a wasp's nest.

Once I catch my breath, I turn on my bedside light and find my glasses. I'm holding the window closed as I hear the whistling wind sneaking through the spaces along the edges of the windowsill, terrified that it will blow open again. What can I do? I stand there for a moment, trying to wake up and think of a plausible solution.

Tape. Duct tape. I don't have that, but Steph does. It's 4:30am, I'm not waking her up unless I have to.

I give the window a push, praying that it will stay put while I look for tape. I find some masking tape in my desk drawer and am quick to place strips over the latch, gaps along the edge, and across the glass. I let it sit for a moment. I hear it crackle as the wind pushes against it still, threatening to take over again. I turn the latches back and forth, hoping that they click in and hold the window shut permanently. The tape peels and crackles.

I hope that my workmanship will hold up so I can get 3 more hours of sleep before waking up for work. I lay awake, trying to fall asleep. Fear washes over me every time I hear the tape start to peel away. Occasionally I reach over and give the window another push, under the impression that my effort will solidify the tape's grasp.

5 minutes pass. The overwhelming gust of cold air invades my room with fervor once again, fulfilling my worst fear. I have lost control again, even after putting forth my best effort.

I sit on my bed, trembling as I hold the window closed. I either have to wake up Steph or not sleep for the rest of the night. The wind is winning and I am helpless.

I accept my defeat and surrender the battle. I give the window one final and abrupt push.

Click.

Questions Answered

I have been asking questions about why I believe what I do and why we as Christians sacrifice things like sex, greed, coarse joking (Ephesians 5:3-7). And I always would come to the textbook answer of “it’s God’s best for us” but didn’t know how that translated into my life, my situations, and my friendships with non-believers. I went to Last Wednesday at Crossroads where God told me what that meant. He asked “Who are you to question me?” in a way that shows his love for me and His dreams and capabilities for my life. Those things that I’m giving up aren’t mine in the first place (my body, my money, my words), and to let salvation and the sacrifice of Jesus be the true reason for my lifestyle is a crucial thing to remember.

I did the intro to the Singles bible study at Crossroads yesterday morning. There was a great message about being women of influence in whatever state of life. I want to start out this new phase of life on the right foot and having a mental orientation toward God’s will. I want to be as capable as I can to grow and move forward so I can have assurance with my identity as I start to date and hopefully get a job.

Our obedience is greater than our sacrifice.

Into your hands, I commit my spirit. Psalm 31:5

Finding My Way

Well, since I last posted I graduated, celebrated Christmas with both sets of parents, entered my 23rd year of life, celebrated New Years, and started working full-time. And in the midst of those changes, I've stumbled and learned more about who I am and want to be.

Here's my play-by-play:

-Graduation was great, filled with all 4 parents along with Matchi and Patchi. Great to see them, they visited from Oregon!

-I spent a week at Dad's in Dec. for my vacation. Made a scrapbook with stepmom Lisa for her parents' 40th anniversary and celebrated Christmas. Obtained a new red and black camera and the entire series of Lost. New project for me and sister.

-Christmas with all of Jim's family was loud and entertaining, consisting of toy gun fights between my stepbrothers and screams of excitement from the grandkids as they

opened gifts. Christmas day with mom, Jim, and sister was nice. Banana nut pancakes and enchiladas stuffed me silly.

-Birthday was pleasant! Mellow Mushroom for lunch (great pizza, located in Wilder, KY) and saw The King's Speech with sister (the casting was very impressive, i recommend it). Went out with my boys later on in the night.

-Went to Grammer's for New Years with a fun posse. Had to go out this year since I have been at bowl games for the past 2 new years nights.

-I had a graduation party at the Vatican! People stopped by and hung out. It was a chill party, good to know that I'm loved :)

Moving forward, I'm filling in at Alumni for an employee who is on medical leave until the end of February. I'm an administrative assistant, which means that I have a continual checklist of internal requests from my colleagues who are program managers for local and Nationwide alumni initiatives. I have learned how to use different online programs for registration and informing alumni around the country, along with how departments operate and interact with the whole university. The people there are very supportive as I submit applications at the university for program coordinator and executive staff assistant positions.

I'm still living at the Vatican with the girls. It's interesting for us to all be at different places in life and relationships. As a recent graduate, conflict exists in the step between being a big girl during the day with work and stepping into the professional life and having the collegiate world around me. Next year, I'll be living with my soul mate Tricia in an apartment. I was thinking about living by myself, but I obtain so much energy from other people and get more depressed if I'm alone for too long. So I'm glad to have one roommate who is one of my best friends. Time to grow up, gotta wait 9 months though!

I have learned a lot about myself through my relationships this quarter, some more than others. Prudence in my decisions and considering the consequences of my actions more is a goal of mine, however I don't intend to abandon my natural desire to learn from experience. I'm trying to let go of things that could be so great but ultimately not the best.

And to let go of every aspect of life. Trust is still a prevalent point of focus with the job search and finding contentment with being single. I'll be more intentional with my girl time and figuring out how to treat singleness. Along with that, Crossroads is doing a 4 week study on being single that I will attend to get some perspective. And to build new community and be fed in an environment closer to my place in life. My ministry with Navs was such a blessing during college, but my participation is through Alumni now, not being among peers.

I am spending this weekend in Gatlinburg with the parents, sister, and two of her friends from Taylor (Mr. Van Wyk and Mr. Ford aka. Mr. Pokewhore). I think I needed time away from everything more than I thought. Time to catch up on rest, have good food, laugh enough to get an ab workout.

In sum, God is good even though life is challenging me.

The Finish Line

I have three class days left at UC. That's right, only THREE! Time flies. I've been so blessed to grow in this extraordinary environment at UC and with the people around me.

The next month will be full of transitions: Finishing my 4-yr Registrar Office job, ending my internship with Alumni, finishing classes and taking my last finals, and ya know, GRADUATING. Thank the Lord I'm not moving out of the Vatican until next September, don't know if I could handle that.

I said in my last post that words of affirmation are a big love language of mine. I've realized that statement is true in times of uncertainty when I need clarification from someone else. Otherwise, physical touch/proximity and quality time are both a big deal. In stressful times lately, having someone there to watch a movie with me or hang out has brought me so much peace and indicates that I am significant. Thank you for your love, you all provide an immense feeling of stability.

I have learned that I must trust Christ to be my sole provider and to refrain from being caught up in everything that I could attempt on my own. God has provided me with clarity and strength in my decisions. He has followed through and will continue in this time of transition, with relationships, income opportunities, and with sustenance.