Questions Answered

I have been asking questions about why I believe what I do and why we as Christians sacrifice things like sex, greed, coarse joking (Ephesians 5:3-7). And I always would come to the textbook answer of “it’s God’s best for us” but didn’t know how that translated into my life, my situations, and my friendships with non-believers. I went to Last Wednesday at Crossroads where God told me what that meant. He asked “Who are you to question me?” in a way that shows his love for me and His dreams and capabilities for my life. Those things that I’m giving up aren’t mine in the first place (my body, my money, my words), and to let salvation and the sacrifice of Jesus be the true reason for my lifestyle is a crucial thing to remember.

I did the intro to the Singles bible study at Crossroads yesterday morning. There was a great message about being women of influence in whatever state of life. I want to start out this new phase of life on the right foot and having a mental orientation toward God’s will. I want to be as capable as I can to grow and move forward so I can have assurance with my identity as I start to date and hopefully get a job.

Our obedience is greater than our sacrifice.

Into your hands, I commit my spirit. Psalm 31:5

Finding My Way

Well, since I last posted I graduated, celebrated Christmas with both sets of parents, entered my 23rd year of life, celebrated New Years, and started working full-time. And in the midst of those changes, I've stumbled and learned more about who I am and want to be.

Here's my play-by-play:

-Graduation was great, filled with all 4 parents along with Matchi and Patchi. Great to see them, they visited from Oregon!

-I spent a week at Dad's in Dec. for my vacation. Made a scrapbook with stepmom Lisa for her parents' 40th anniversary and celebrated Christmas. Obtained a new red and black camera and the entire series of Lost. New project for me and sister.

-Christmas with all of Jim's family was loud and entertaining, consisting of toy gun fights between my stepbrothers and screams of excitement from the grandkids as they

opened gifts. Christmas day with mom, Jim, and sister was nice. Banana nut pancakes and enchiladas stuffed me silly.

-Birthday was pleasant! Mellow Mushroom for lunch (great pizza, located in Wilder, KY) and saw The King's Speech with sister (the casting was very impressive, i recommend it). Went out with my boys later on in the night.

-Went to Grammer's for New Years with a fun posse. Had to go out this year since I have been at bowl games for the past 2 new years nights.

-I had a graduation party at the Vatican! People stopped by and hung out. It was a chill party, good to know that I'm loved :)

Moving forward, I'm filling in at Alumni for an employee who is on medical leave until the end of February. I'm an administrative assistant, which means that I have a continual checklist of internal requests from my colleagues who are program managers for local and Nationwide alumni initiatives. I have learned how to use different online programs for registration and informing alumni around the country, along with how departments operate and interact with the whole university. The people there are very supportive as I submit applications at the university for program coordinator and executive staff assistant positions.

I'm still living at the Vatican with the girls. It's interesting for us to all be at different places in life and relationships. As a recent graduate, conflict exists in the step between being a big girl during the day with work and stepping into the professional life and having the collegiate world around me. Next year, I'll be living with my soul mate Tricia in an apartment. I was thinking about living by myself, but I obtain so much energy from other people and get more depressed if I'm alone for too long. So I'm glad to have one roommate who is one of my best friends. Time to grow up, gotta wait 9 months though!

I have learned a lot about myself through my relationships this quarter, some more than others. Prudence in my decisions and considering the consequences of my actions more is a goal of mine, however I don't intend to abandon my natural desire to learn from experience. I'm trying to let go of things that could be so great but ultimately not the best.

And to let go of every aspect of life. Trust is still a prevalent point of focus with the job search and finding contentment with being single. I'll be more intentional with my girl time and figuring out how to treat singleness. Along with that, Crossroads is doing a 4 week study on being single that I will attend to get some perspective. And to build new community and be fed in an environment closer to my place in life. My ministry with Navs was such a blessing during college, but my participation is through Alumni now, not being among peers.

I am spending this weekend in Gatlinburg with the parents, sister, and two of her friends from Taylor (Mr. Van Wyk and Mr. Ford aka. Mr. Pokewhore). I think I needed time away from everything more than I thought. Time to catch up on rest, have good food, laugh enough to get an ab workout.

In sum, God is good even though life is challenging me.

The Finish Line

I have three class days left at UC. That's right, only THREE! Time flies. I've been so blessed to grow in this extraordinary environment at UC and with the people around me.

The next month will be full of transitions: Finishing my 4-yr Registrar Office job, ending my internship with Alumni, finishing classes and taking my last finals, and ya know, GRADUATING. Thank the Lord I'm not moving out of the Vatican until next September, don't know if I could handle that.

I said in my last post that words of affirmation are a big love language of mine. I've realized that statement is true in times of uncertainty when I need clarification from someone else. Otherwise, physical touch/proximity and quality time are both a big deal. In stressful times lately, having someone there to watch a movie with me or hang out has brought me so much peace and indicates that I am significant. Thank you for your love, you all provide an immense feeling of stability.

I have learned that I must trust Christ to be my sole provider and to refrain from being caught up in everything that I could attempt on my own. God has provided me with clarity and strength in my decisions. He has followed through and will continue in this time of transition, with relationships, income opportunities, and with sustenance.

Unda Pressure

I'll start by saying that Life Is Good. I know this and believe it even though things aren't always easy.

A lot of me feeling pressured is my own doing, but it's who I am. I'm pressured at work to not mess up and make a great impression. I'm pressured with living up to my mentor-like status with my brilliant small group girls on Tuesdays. I'm pressured with thinking about the dating scene and where I fit into that, how I should conduct myself and read people properly.

I feel obligated to everything and always think I have to prove myself or I'll be considered a failure. I'm thankful for the friends and family around me who are constantly reminding me that I'm doing a great job. If you didn't know, words of affirmation is my primary love language so anything that I hear keeps me going. I definitely don't do anything for the sake of praise or appreciation, but I honestly push myself for approval. I have a service mentality which connects me with God's purposes but also drives me away when I get overwhelmed.

The message that God is already pleased with me is astounding and I pray I can retain that as I move forward into a brutal, demanding, beautiful world.

Passion for New Opportunities

God has presented people to the forefront of my life who have shown me what it means to have passion, leading me to find out what my passions are. Growing up helps us find conviction in things, through experiences and learning things that just make sense. My friends in student groups, my roommates, and my professors have demonstrated their driving forces and I've witnessed how they and the people around them experience the fruits of that.

As graduation approaches pretty rapidly, I'm torn between having security with a job and being content if I don't have that right away. I'm proud of who I have become over the past few years and feel like I have a ton to offer and am qualified for a lot. But I have to accept the reality that even though I see that and the people around me do, companies and businesses might not right away.

Contentment and humility are great struggles for me right now. In the midst of loving people, contributing and participating in my social arenas, and thinking about my future, I'm struggling to maintain a balanced and humble perspective.

However, while I struggle I am learning what makes me tick. Loving and helping people reaches me in ways that nothing else does. EdgeCorps (Navs staff) is one of my many possible paths, but even if I do get a full-time job I want to make people an important part of my life. I thrive off of the presence of others. Where I work needs to feed that or I won't find fulfillment or contentment with my work.

Looking Forward

Being back home in the states has been a wonderful experience. My reverse culture shock wasn't as much bad as good, helping me realize how much I take for granted living in the United States. Several people have asked me if I would ever live in Europe and I'm not sure I would. Traveling and staying for more than a few days is great for me because I love being settled. While Spain felt very natural for me (meaning I never felt like a tourist there), I still feel more at home and settled in the states. Not just because people I know and love are around, but it really is the land of opportunity. It's different, because obviously Europe provides plenty of extraordinary adventures. But in the US, I truly feel equipped and acknowledged enough to follow my dreams and achieve whatever I want in life. It's obviously not in a tangible way for me like it is for so many people who move here, but I can see how blessed I am to have the freedoms and future that I do.

I miss speaking Spanish on a regular basis and I've tried to keep up my listening practice by watching BBC Mundo shorts and following them on Twitter. Emily McF, who I mentor, wants to keep going with Spanish and eventually study abroad, so we'll have parts of our meetings in Spanish to practice together. I've never felt called to missions, but now that I've seen and learned about other cultures more, I want to be a part of them in more of a service-oriented manner. After I graduate, I'll definitely start looking into maybe doing a short-term thing somewhere.

The friends that I have in Cincinnati are so wonderful. I've loved jumping back in, getting huge hugs from people the first time they saw me again, who had genuine excitement while asking about my trip and experiences. I'm blessed to have roommates who have all traveled abroad (yeah, all 5 of them!) and know the kinds of questions to ask and the types of feelings I had then and now.

My sister asked me if I hate Americans now in the sense of living elsewhere, but I really just dislike ignorant Americans. It's sometimes heartbreaking to see people so tunnel-visioned in their own world that they aren't a part of other cultures or types of people. Traveling abroad isn't necessary to have an interest or even and idea of what's going on in the world. There are so many people on this planet. I've gained so much more perspective and I hope that it manifests in a greater and more apparent sense of humility.

I have a ton of opportunities in the next few months as I prepare to graduate and search for a job. I'm more excited and content than nervous and anxious. I know I will be taken care of. We have an awesome God.

Never Forgotten

My last informative post!

Tuesday 7/27:

To finish this day, we went out to dinner at Casa Mingo with a bunch of people. Great atmosphere, bread, ham, pollo asado. Afterward, Ita and Amanda accompanied me to get gelato in Sol. Best decision ever. I got frambuesa (strawberry) and chocolate on a cone. We walked up to the Royal Palace and hung out in front of that. It was a beautiful night, it looked extraordinary lit up. At that point, I knew I wouldn't go out in Spain anymore at night so I soaked it in.

Wednesday 7/28:

I had my religious persecution presentation today in Jorge's class. It went pretty well, Kristin said it was clear. Jorge gave us a nice sendoff with it being the last day of classes, gave us his email address if we ever wanted to say hi! Charo's class went over of course. I went shopping in the afternoon for the rest of my souvenirs and gifts for people. Got a ham bocadillo from Museo de Jamon for 1 euro for lunch. Never could get sick of those. I got a jersey for myself. It's size 14 kids and I got some shorts and socks with it! I spent the evening cleaning, eating, packing, studying.

Thursday 7/29:

Got up extra early with Katie to finish preparing for our exams that day. Hung out in the cafeteria with everyone for a bit, had some pan con tomate for breakfast. Jorge's exam was solid, more confident than the midterm. There were grammar sections, completing sentences, fill in blanks. I got a 92% on my project and a 93% on my essay about the novel we read, so I probably pulled a B in the class. My conversation exam went a lot better than my midterm as well, I felt more relaxed with the more general questions. I ran back to my apartment to check out and get my deposit back from Gabriela. Everything was in good shape!

Vanessa, Kendra, Katie, Kyle, Alex and I went to Rodilla (fast food sandwich place) for lunch, then shopping in Sol. It was cool to spend my last few hours with the apartment clan. I said bye to Katie with the assurance that I'd come visit her in Chicago. The boys were great when I left with the great departing words from Alex of "Ill never see or talk to you again." :-P

I cried on the way to the airport in the metro during my last moments in Spain. Hard to believe it was over.

Friday 7/30:

I met up with Rob in Stuttgart at the airport and we made our way to the hostel. It was a struggle to find it, carrying everything uphill. We eventually found the place tucked away behind some trees over a hillside so it was difficult to see. There weren't towels so I used a t-shirt to dry off my face.

We got up for breakfast and had musli, a oat/granola type of cereal with some bread and jam, plus some awesome hazelnut chocolate, fruit, and sparkling water. We caught our train to Munich which was about 2.5 hours. We dozed during the trip. We found our hostel there really easily since it was close to the train station. We couldn't check in until 3 pm so we left our bags in the luggage room and walked around by the fountain, main strip of shops, and church. Got a 1/2 kilo of cherries from one of the many fruit stands set up and sat by a fountain near the church. Had a bratwurst on bread with sweet mustard. Best brat I've ever had. We rested for awhile after checking in, showered, then met up with Dave and Ryan for dinner. I got a 0.5 L of Weiss bier (best I've ever had) with veal meatballs over potato salad. We made our way to an outdoor garden and had a 1L Radler (half bier, half lemonade) then headed to Hofbrauhaus (the original!) and had a 1L Russen (sprite with Weiss beer) that tasted more like bubble gum. We got some pretzels at Hofbrau which were amazing.

Saturday 7/31:

We slept late to recover from the lack of sleep and the drinks from the day before. We went and bought souvenirs and shopped more, got a sandwich. We had some strawberries from a stand before Rob went lederhosen shopping and found a great deal where he got the pants, shirt, scarf, and shoes! We grabbed some sandwiches and Chai tea in the train station. Later that night we headed to Olympia Park where they had carnival games and rides, food, and stores/markets. We got some chocolate covered fruit and found a nice tea and candy shop.

Sunday 8/1:

We got up early to get to the castles! It took a 2 hour train ride and a short bus ride up the hill to get to the castles. We had tours set up beforehand (good call Rob) so we walked right up. We grabbed some lunch between castle tours. I had meatloaf and potatoes while Rob had paprika chicken. The tours were relatively quick but extremely informative. We climbed a massive hill up to the second castle, it was ridiculous. We jumped into a German tour for the second one since we were running late, but they found us the English tour. There were beautiful gifts made of ivory, great views overlooking the valley and mountains. Got ice cream before leaving, hung out at the train station for an hour with some Haribo gummy bears since we missed the previous train by a few minutes. On the train, a tour group was there with a guide who was telling stories about the kings who lived in the castles. Very cool perspectives. We grabbed some dinner at the train station before heading back to Karlsruhe, salami sandwich and a pretzel with butter. We got to Rob's apartment late Sunday night.

Monday 8/2:

Slept in and had eggs and toast for breakfast. Rob's apartment was nice, 2 other roommates with their own rooms. Kitchen, full bathroom. We walked around Karlsruhe, saw the castle, went in their mall, found a cheap France hat, got an apple struessel (so good), stopped by a veggie market and got stuff for dinner. We went to their zoo for a little while, bigger than Rob thought it would be. Stopped by the grocery store and headed home to start cooking chili! We talked to Rob's roommate Andreas for awhile. He called birth control the "anti-baby pill" which apparently most people do over there. Rob super-packed my suitcase with all of my new souvenirs and clothes to make my backpack lighter.

-In Karlsruhe, they have several forms of public transportation with the above-ground trains and buses, as well as a metro that's under construction. They have the long-distance trains as well, very easy to get around without a car.

-Their sandwiches are always different and have tons of ingredients. Always a surprise when biting into one.

-For university students, they have time over the summer to prepare on their own full-time for a set of exams in the fall. Rob's roommate committed to studying 8 hours a day.

-Struessel is more pastry-like while Streudel is more like apple pie

-German culture is very clean and pleasant. They have a proud sense of history while being confident about moving forward.

-Their food was excellent and their beer was unlike anything I have had in the states

-In Europe in general, it's typical to turn the water off during your shower to save some

-Bathrooms are called Water Closets

-Didn't really have iced tea in Europe, just canned

-People in Europe don't usually drink anything while they eat. Andreas said it's bad to drink while eating because it weakens the digestive acids in your stomach

Tuesday 8/3:

Got up early to catch a train from Karlsruhe to the airport in Frankfurt, about an hour away. I made it through security after the people checking my carry-on luggage by hand after going through the machines. I had some Doppelkek cookies with me and the lady asked me if they were for her. My flight was 9 hours from Frankfurt to Detroit and I needed to stay awake as much as possible to adjust to the time difference. So I watched 3 movies: Valentine's Day, Alice in Wonderland, and Death at a Funeral. All great in different ways, did the job of keeping me awake. My flight out of Detroit was a little late but I made it back to Cincinnati close to on-time. Mom and Kirstie greeted me with big hugs and we found an O'Charley's so I could have some chicken tenders and rolls! Great way to come back to the US.

As I adjust to reverse culture shock, I'll probably write things on here about my progress. Europe was beautiful, I can definitely consider living there at some point in my life. I definitely want to see more of Spain, and Europe in general. I've posted some pictures on Facebook to start! I'll stick a few in here along with my commentary.

It feels good to be home, but I'll never forget Spain.