Effective Accountability

I created a mini-study for our Tuesday small group leaders about how to be effective in accountability, using my notes and resources from Navs and sermons during college.

We all have the best intentions when calling out our friends because we hate to see the trajectory they're on or just don't understand where they are coming from. However, as we grow in our faith and relationships, we have the capacity to more deeply understand how to approach people without being judgmental or imposing standards. It's difficult to watch people make mistakes, but mistakes teach us who we need to be and how to move forward. We are not our mistakes.

Mindset

• Be constructive and helpful in nature
• 1 Corinthians 10:23-24-"'I have the right to do anything,' you say-but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'-but not everything is constructive. No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."


• Examine yourself first
• Galatians 6:1-6- "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor."


• Servant Leadership: Treat others like partners, be sensitive to what motivates others and empower all to win with the shared goals

Approach

• Assume the best and ask for clarification
• 1 Corinthians 16:14-"Do everything in love"


• Be honest, not people-pleasing
• Proverbs 28:23-"In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery" (NLT)


• Suggestion from Jesus (More related to conflict, but the idea stands consistent)
• Matthew 18:15-17-"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."


• Encouragement
• Hebrews 10:24-25-"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching."


• Iron sharpening iron
• Proverbs 27:17-"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"

The Goal

• United in mind and thought
• 1 Corinthians 1:10-"I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."

Ephesians 6:6-8

Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.

I have clearly seen how God rewards those who follow him and do their best to obey. I'm not perfect, but He lives in me and is perfect as he drives me forward. I've let go of so much because my control-freak tendencies are too much to handle with so many unknowns.

I've been astounded by God's provision. To see this and trust in His provision for every area of my life has been a prayer for the last few months. I'm surrounded by great friends, I have amazing current and future roommates, and I've been given the opportunity to work for a temp agency at Fifth Third downtown for the next 3-6 months! So sadly, my last day at Alumni will be this coming Friday and I start downtown on April 4th. I'm excited to take a step forward and to experience working in downtown Cincinnati!

Life has been solid lately. The small group that formed in my Singles Community Group at Crossroads will continue to meet, I'll keep helping with Navs freshmen girls, and I am deepening friendships with wonderful people who have been around me for years, but never really invested in. I've been reading more lately too, reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo and now The Shack. It's interesting to get spiritual perspectives on life through fiction.

Now that I've been more selective in where I invest my time, I'm learning how to be consistent in different arenas with my identity. In the first place, to not settle for my friends just like we shouldn't settle in our relationships has been key. But to also be authentic in loving those around me in the way that they need and to be constantly attentive is a challenge, but is rewarding. I've been encouraged in my confidence and I know that Christ is guiding my decisions and interactions.

As always, I'm thankful for your love.

Psalm 119:93

I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life.


For a quick life update, Joelene (lady who went on leave) came back to work last Wednesday so my time at Alumni was ending. However, they are keeping me around for another few months! I'm a general assistant with my own space (I can't get used to that!) and am helping with after-hour and weekend events for more experience and some extra money. I'm incredibly thankful to the staff and to Christ, who provides for me each step of the way.

I have taken some much-needed time away from life over the last few weeks. Rather than doing anything out of obligation, I do things when I want to do them and because I want to do them.

God blessed this idea 2 weekends ago when Friday night I attended Ms. Droll's bachelorette party with the roomies and stayed the night in a cabin with 12 girls. It was a beautiful time of showing Rachael with love before her wedding in now 2 WEEKS! The Saturday after that, I had nothing planned. My day was open, but it was beautiful outside and I knew I wouldn't want to stay inside.

First thing I did on my free day: I met with my mentor and discussed the reason for why we obey God to provide answers for my time of wondering and questioning a month ago. Righteousness comes from obedience (a lofty concept, but valid goal) and we were drawn to the last statements of Ecclesiastes, where the author has evaluated life to be meaningless. After ALL evaluation, his conclusion is "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of mankind." Our ultimate duty in life is to live in God's commands and ideas for our lives. That's a tall order, and something that we really don't think about as a priority.

I've started reading through the book of Ecclesiastes to draw some perspective. While there is value in education, friendships, and working, the ultimate point of it is meaningless if not in the context of Jesus. Ecclesiastes 1:11 in the Message says "Don't count on being remembered." That's a hard hit to me as I strive to make and impact and leave a legacy in life. But my efforts, love, and service shouldn't reflect me, they should reflect my heavenly father and Lord of everything. I need to die to myself, to then reach a point where that statement from Ecclesiastes is exciting rather than disappointing.

Second thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with my mentor, my sister calls and says I should visit the Daubenmires and see the new baby! They live out in Loveland so I needed a good chunk of time for that visit, and I had it that afternoon! I drove out to Loveland in the sunshine and spent a few hours holding a baby and catching up Stu, who was in town from Alabama for the weekend. While I was there, I was invited to Mt. Adams later on in the night to hang out with them!

Third thing I did on my free day: As I was finishing up with the baby, Amanda texted "Church?" I decided to go that evening so then I could sleep in on Sunday. I went to church, met up with Amanda and sat with some people I hadn't talked to in awhile.

Fourth thing I did on my free day: At church, Amanda and I decided to grab dinner at Max & Erma's. We had good laughs (as always) telling each other our week update, probably being obnoxious as we snacked on appetizers and soup/salad dinner. I hadn't really talked to any of my friends in a few days because I had taken some alone time that week. I needed that time to be in community with my girlfriend :-)

Fifth thing I did on my free day: I rushed home and changed into my boots, spritzed on perfume and ran out the door for Mt. Adams. Because I have baller friends, I texted my friend Nora who works in Mt. Adams and she got us free cover! While out, there was a successful and spontaneous D-Block Dabney Freshman Year Reunion. 5 of us ended up at the same place and danced the night away. Hilarious, the simple joys.


I believe that God honors my reflection of how I'm trying to live life around Him. The discussions with people in the last few weeks about my role in friend groups and the deepening of friendships have brought clarity and a more profound understanding of who I can and should be. God's guidance for my relationships and His direction in awareness have preserved my life. I was spiraling into an existance that revolved around myself and how I thought other people should perceive me.

I spend so much time questioning and wondering about the future. What my impact will be, how I'll pay the bills, what I'm going to eat for dinner, who I can have lunch with or serve. But my free day gave me a model of the freedom that is accessible to us. To plan and be organized, but to also live waiting to see and trust in what God has for us.